


This Wasn't the Plan

by andr0meda



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Also Kate is CRAZY but you'll figure that out if you STICK AROUND, F/M, M/M, This Is STUPID, im bad at poetry, sorry if i suck at writing, this is an excuse to write porn of the poetic kind, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-01
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-07 03:39:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/743772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andr0meda/pseuds/andr0meda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles was so not planning on becoming Derek Hale's muse. But Derek writes amazing poetry and is great at making Stiles want to get down on his knees for him so really, what reason is there for Stiles to say no? Oh right. Maybe the fact that Derek has emotional baggage that weighs like six thousand pounds? Well. Derek's dick sort of balances it all out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That One Time Nothing Went the Way I Expected and Jokes Aren't Funny if They're the Truth

**Author's Note:**

> oy vey guys I hope you like this seriously I'm sorry for this I'm apologizing oh man. I ramble a lot so there's probably a lot of unnecessary rambles in there. But maybe it works because Stiles is rambley? Yes. Please tell me what you think, because other peoples opinions are great. I love em. Yeah. So. ENJOY.

Does anything ever happen that’s so weird that you feel like your whole world is tilting off its axis? Like, so weird that you can practically see the fabric of your life unravelling into a messy heap on the floor?

Yeah. Well. That just happened to me. There I was, minding my own business in film class, reading the school newspaper when my bro Scott comes up to me and says, ‘’hey, you know that anonymous poet you like? Well, it’s Derek Hale’’.

And I’d laughed at first, because hahaha, Derek Hale, a poet. What a joke, right? But then Scott isn’t laughing and my laughing is turning kind of hysterical and is crossing into dry sobbing territory.

Because _Derek Hale. What the fuck._ If you opened up a dictionary and looked up the word ‘brooding’ Derek Hale’s sulky face would be staring out at you. And then you’d slam the book closed in fear. Seriously, the first time I saw him I hid in a Starbucks because I was afraid that he would kick my ass if I accidentally bumped into him or something, and knowing me, I probably would.

He’s like, six foot nine billion, five hundred pounds of pure muscle and his face could probably scare off the strongest men in the world.

Okay, _maybe_ I’m exaggerating a little bit. He’s really only six feet, which is only two inches taller than me and yeah, he is pretty muscular. Not like, scary muscular though. The kind of muscular you would expect from the captain of NYU’s soccer team. I also don’t think he could scare anyone off with his face. You know, unless he was like, a model or something. Because then his face would scare off potential competition. Cause he’s really hot. Like, really, really, _really_ hot.  His face is angular to the point where if I licked all along his jaw, I’d probably get cut.

Not that I want to lick him or anything.

But I digress. The point is, _the point is,_ that I never, ever expected Derek Hale to be a poet. Like, he’s perfect proof of ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’, because the poetry that he writes is so beautiful is so beautiful I could cry. Seriously, he wrote a poem about existentialism and parallel dimension lost love or whatever and after I read it I lay down on the floor and cried for a solid ten minutes.

He’s phenomenal. It’s like the writer- _Derek, Derek_ \- has syntax flowing through his veins, has Calliope and Erato and Euterpe and Melpomene and Polyhymnia and whatever the rest of the muses are called  whispering poetry into his blood and making him be able to write it like a second skin. Like maybe his first language was rhyme and all his words flowed together like magic ever since.

Seriously. I could go on and on and on about his poetry. But what I think is more interesting is how Derek Hale being a poet shatters any illusion I ever had of this poet. Not gonna lie, I’d mostly imagined a hazy cafe and a strawberry blonde seductress writing out lines and lines of poetry on lavender scented paper (okay, so MAYBE I was imagining Lydia Martin, the hottie who sits in front of me in my English LIT class but that doesn’t matter). And now all that shit has been replaced by thoughts of Derek grabbing napkins during dates with one of his millions of girlfriends (because let’s face it, he’s too attractive to be single) and writing sentence fragments until they fit together like puzzle pieces.

Okay, I’m done talking about him. He makes me want to scream like a banshee. And possibly lay myself out naked on a silver platter for him, my cock tied up with a little red bow and a note that reads, ‘’ **FUCK ME** ’’ in big bold letters.

You know, or something far less creepy.

‘’You’ve got to be kidding me’’ I groan, crumpling up the newspaper I’m holding and lobbing it away from myself because _ugh talented people._

‘’Could you not?’’ Scott snaps ( _extra_ bitchy) when the newspaper smacks against his forehead.  He unfolds it roughly, smoothing it out on his lap, ‘’why are you throwing paper around, anyway?’’ he asks, and I groan again.

‘’ _Scott’’_ I sigh, ‘’why do you _think_ I’m throwing newspapers?’’

‘’Did Derek write something that made you cream your pants again?’’ he asks, and I make a face at him.

‘’Okay that never happened’’ at least not in front of him, ‘’and yes, he did. Page nine, you moron’’

Scott flips to page nine, and reads slow, his eyes flicking across the page too languidly for my liking.

‘’Hurry up’’ I snap, and Scott rolls his eyes, making a point of reading faster.

‘’Wow’’ Scott says after a couple of seconds, ‘’he’s a really good writer’’

‘’I know’’ I whine, sliding off the couch and onto the floor. It’s not fair. Talented people suck.

‘’Dude it’s just a poem’’ Scott says and I gape at him, flailing my arms erratically.

‘’It’s more than just _poetry,_ you uncultured beast, it is fucking _art’’_ I snarl, ‘’and why are you not crying? Why are you not throwing yourself on the floor and sobbing because you will _never be that amazing’’_ I point an accusing finger at Scott and he grimaces.

‘’Because my dick isn’t in love with him like yours is-’’ he says and I interrupt him with a noise of annoyance,

‘’I only got a boner _one time!’’_

He holds up a hand, ‘’that’s beside the point. I just mean that I’m not like obsessed with him. Besides, he’s kind of a douche’’

‘’I’m not obsessed with him!’’ I snap, ignoring Scott’s ‘douche’ comment because he wouldn’t know a wonderful, sexy, talented person if they bathed in a virgin’s blood and did a mating dance in front of him.

Scott scoffs, ‘’oh please Stiles, I’ve seen your Dream Book. I’m pretty sure Number 56 is Have Sexual Relations with Derek Hale While He Recites Poetry to Me’’

I gasp, and rocket into a seating position. ‘’You read my _Dream Book?’’_ I let out an aborted scream and throw myself at him, tackling him back against the pillows. ‘’That is a _direct violation of the Bro Code!’’_

‘’In the tenth grade you climbed up to my window and threw condoms at Allison and I while we were making out!’’ he reminds me angrily, shoving me off him, ‘’this is payback!’’

I still, and shrug, ‘’okay fine. We’re even now, then’’

Scott is silent for a couple of seconds, and then he finally says, ‘’Derek is in two of my classes. We’re sort of bros. If you want, I could put in a good word for you’’

I perk up, grinning at Scott, ‘’could you? I mean would-what? No! Fuck off, Scott! I don’t need you to put in a good word for me, Scott. He probably has like six thousand girls on call’’ I say, and Scott snorts.

‘’Dude, he is so not straight’’ he says, and I raise an eyebrow.

‘’He’s not gay’’ I say, and Scott shrugs.

‘’I don’t know man, I’ve seen him hooking up with girls at parties, but I’ve also seen him getting frisky with dudes’’ he says nonchalantly and I feel like I’m going to cry because _this means that Stiles Stilinski has a chance of getting it in with Derek Hale._

‘’I love you’’ I tell Scott, ‘’you just made my life so awesome’’

‘’Don’t  do anything creepy’’ Scott warns but it’s too late because I’m already planning all the weird slash sexy slash maybe a little creepy fantasies where Derek and I hook up and he waxes poetic about the way the light hits my eyes or some other goopy shit like that.

God, I love Scott right now.

***

Derek Hale is sitting twenty feet away from me.

I’m standing in line at the Starbucks two blocks away from my apartment, and he’s right there, writing on a piece of paper, a pencil in one hand and another tucked behind each ear. His hair is a mess and he looks scruffy and like he hasn’t slept in days and it’s so fucking hot I’m gonna cry right now.

He pauses in his writing and balances his pencil on his upper lip, knee bouncing beneath the table. I turn my head a little more to the left, staring a little more openly as he drums his fingers on the table. Maybe I shouldn’t be staring so blatantly? He could look up at any second and catch me gawking at him.

Then, as if on command, his head is snapping up and his eyes are meeting mine with such intensity that I swear to God if I was wearing panties they would have dropped by now.

I look away so quickly I probably give myself whiplash, and my face heats up embarrassingly fast. I try not to turn back and see if he’s looking at me but _holy shit holy shit he’s still watching me holy shit._ I can feel the intensity of his gaze from here and it’s making it very hard to concentrate on what orders are being called out.

He’s still _staring at me,_ oh my God, get yourself together Stiles he’s just a boy-no a man-just a sexy hot delicious lickable fuckable SHUT UP. I will not look. I will not look. I will not-

The barista calls out my order, and I snap to attention, taking my drink without hesitation. Get it together, Stilinski. You’re going to walk out of here and not look at Derek at all.

Oh, but _hola,_ my dick and my legs have different ideas because they are walking me _straight towards Derek this was not the plan guys, this was not the fucking plan_ and my urge to throw myself at him grows until my thigh is smashing into the corner of his table, making my leg spasm in pain and sending his bag crashing onto the ground.

‘’Ah, fuck, sorry, sorry’’ I splutter, picking it back up and dropping it on the table. ‘’I have zero spatial awareness’’ I say, gesturing wildly and sort of laughing. Derek doesn’t laugh. He just stares at me with a ‘Why Are You Disrupting Me, Peasant?’’ kind of look that makes me want to run away. ‘’Can I sit down for a second?’’ I ask, and before he can answer, I drop down across from him. ‘’I’m-‘’

‘’Stiles Stilinski’’ Derek says smoothly, ‘’sophomore, in the Tisch Film & Television program. From Beacon Hills and from what I’ve heard, unable to keep his mouth shut’’

I gape at him, and he lifts a brow questioningly.

‘’Is there anything I can help you with?’’ he asks and I laugh, a little hysterically.

‘’No, I, uh, I’ve got this under control’’ I clear my throat, ‘’so basically, I just wanted to say that you’re like a really fucking good writer’’

‘’Scott told you I was the one who wrote your favorite poems’’ Derek deadpans, and I nod.

‘’Yes-wait, how did you know they were my favorite?’’ I demand, and Derek smirks.

‘’Scott told me. Why do you think I told him I wrote them?’’

‘’I don’t know, maybe because you wanted me to shit my pants?’’ I gesture vaguely, and continue, ‘’so anyway, you’re like, really fucking _amazing,_ man. Have you ever thought of pursuing a career in creative writing? Are you a good writer? I mean, you _are_ a good writer but like in the whole novel sense like can you do that? Can you be good at only one type of writing? Is that possible? Do you rap too? I bet you drop some mad rhymes and shit oh wow, do you do rap battles? Oh my God, you have to let me come to one-‘’

‘’ _Stiles’’_ Derek hisses, holding up a hand, and my mouth snaps shut. ‘’Slow down’’ he commands, and I nod, _slowly,_ for his benefit.

‘’Sorry’’ I say, and he sighs, leaning forwards and lacing his fingers beneath his chin.

‘’Okay. I am considering a career in creative writing. I would consider myself a pretty good writer in the whole _novel sense._ It is possible to be good at only one style of writing. For example, I’m bad at being vague in my writing because I’m so used to using a lot of redundant descriptions. I _do not_ rap although I _have_ ghost written raps for a couple of friends who participate in rap battles, and I guess it has gone well for them’’ he exhales loudly. ‘’There, are you happy?’’

‘’Very’’ I say, grinning, and his eyes narrow and his face gets really intense, like when my dad tries to figure out if I’m lying to him about something. He leans forwards, his eyes scanning my face so slowly that all my features start twitching in discomfort slash horniness.

‘’Um’’ I say, and he pulls a pencil out from behind his ear, flips his paper over and starts scribbling furiously. ‘’What are you-‘’ my mouth snaps shut because he looks so _into_ whatever he’s writing that I can practically feel him saying _bye Stiles I’m done with you leave forever now._

 _‘’_ Bye then’’ I stand awkwardly, and he nods jerkily in an odd goodbye.

I stand there for a few awkward seconds, and when I finally realise that’s all I’m going to get in terms of a goodbye, I walk away, my heart (and my penis) feeling somewhat disappointed.

***

I don’t hear from Derek Hale for three days. In fact, I don’t see him anywhere. Even his writing hasn’t been showing up in the newspaper, something that is bringing me this close to ripping my hair out (seriously, his writing is like cocaine for me. Oh my God, I’m going through the symptoms of withdrawal aren’t I, this is so _worrisome,_ I knew my dad was right when he told me I could one day be a cocaine addict, holy shit).

That is, until _Tuesday._

Scott calls me at seven a.m.

‘’Dude’’ he shrieks, so loud that I have to pull the phone away from my ear.

‘’’Are you trying to deafen me?’’ I demand, ‘’it’s too fucking early for this shit’’ my voice is thick with sleep and I don’t have classes until noon today so I am _not down_ for whatever Scott is whining about right now (hopefully it’s not another gay crisis. Seriously, he has one like _every week_ ).

‘’Check the newspaper right now dude! Page seven! There’s a copy on the kitchen counter, go Stiles, _go_ ’’

‘’But my bed is so warm’’ I whine, and he squawks in frustration.

‘’That wasn’t a fucking request Stiles, it was an order!’’ he gets that constipated sound in his voice so I can tell he isn’t fucking around. One time he actually pooped a bit from using his constipated voice so much. But that’s irrelevant (irrelevantly _hilarious)_.

So I hang up on Scott, get out of my wonderful, cozy, beautiful bed and trudge into the kitchen, the linoleum cold under my bare feet. There, on the counter, is a copy of the newspaper, and I flip it open to page seven.

And there, front and center, is Derek’s new poem.

‘’ _STILES_ by anonymous’’ I read out loud and _oh_ I understand how Scott makes his constipated voice because _what the fuck Derek why are you doing this to my brain it’s too early for a boner  I mean I already have morning wood why are you making me extra hard and extra hurt._

I spasm there, standing at the counter, because the poem is _so fucking good_ I mean, I would have sex with me if I read this like what how did he turn me into a really hot guy who is graceful and suave with three metaphors like what I'm so confused but mostly turned on.

I think I’m gonna poop. I’m gonna poop in my pajama pants and it’s gonna be so fucking embarrassing but I won’t be able to do anything because my whole body is clenched so tight even my dick muscles are contracting (dicks don’t have muscles shut _up_ stiles)

Only two thoughts are really resonating with me right now.

1)      Lydia Martin is SO gonna wanna bone me after she reads this

And

2)      WHAT THE FUCK MAN WHAT THE FUCK

I am so screwed.

And probably not in the good way.

 


	2. That One Time I Became Someone's Muse Totally not on Purpose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles goes to find Derek and then other stuff happens that isn't sexual, believe it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay okay so I don't have a beta YET so my writing still smells like farts. Sorry for that. This chapter was like ''aaah'' and I'm sorry if it's weird or whatever like wow I don't even know how to write good but I'm glad you guys enjoyed the first chapter and hopefully you'll enjoy this one too. Also, PORN AND EL SEX HAPPENS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OKAY. More notes at the end.

I don’t think I’ve ever walked out of my apartment so fast in my whole life.  I’m still wearing my Captain America pyjama pants, and that’s saying something since I don’t think I’ve ever left the house wearing these. These are _sacred._ Derek better be fucking rolling on the floor with pride that I’m pissed at him enough to leave the house in these.

I don’t really know where the fuck I think I’m going to find Derek, but I do know that I will scour the city until I do.  I’m guessing he’s either at the gym working on his ridiculous (delicious) muscles, or at home in front of a mirror, practicing his grimace.

It actually doesn’t take too long, because I find him in a cozy little cafe three blocks from campus called ‘Cup and Saucer’, sitting in a two-person booth by the window, papers scattered in front of him.

I storm in rather violently, the door bouncing against the wall after I shove it open. I stalk up to him, and slam the newspaper down on the table, struggling to not just start snarling at him in anger.

‘’Care to explain?’’ I demand through gritted teeth, keeping my voice soft and relatively calm, and he looks up at me blankly.

‘’Well, did you like it?’’ he asks coolly, and I exhale loudly through my nose.

‘’That’s irrelevant’’ I snap, even though I like it so much that I kind of just want to climb into his lap and give him a lap dance like right now, ‘’you wrote poetry about me’’.

Derek takes the newspaper from my hand, and I watch him smooth it out carefully. He leans forward, brow furrowing, and he whips a pencil out from behind his ear. ‘’I don’t like this word’’ he mutters, crossing one out, ‘’and what was I _thinking_ with this rhythm? I totally switch it halfway through! And this second stanza is just a mess, I don’t-‘’

I snatch the paper away from him, and clutch it against my chest. ‘’You’re ruining it’’ I say angrily, and Derek glares up at me.

‘’Rule number one; never show me my own work’’ he snarls, and I make a noise of indignation.

‘’There’s no need for rules! I don’t even know you! I’ve never spent any time with you-‘’

‘’Well, you will be spending time with me now’’ he says calmly, and I have to ask him to repeat himself because I couldn’t hear him over the sound of my penis going ‘’yahoo!’’ (Okay so I don’t say the penis part but you get the picture).

‘’We’re going to be spending a lot of time together from now on’’ he says slowly, motioning for me to sit down, which I do, very cautiously.

‘’And why is that?’’ I ask, shuffling his papers so I can rest my elbows on the table.

Derek cocks his head to the side, ‘’isn’t it obvious? You’re my new muse’’.

If I had been drinking something, I for sure would’ve choked and spat my drink out everywhere. Because yeah, on my way here I’d thought, ‘’ha ha, I bet I’m his new muse or something, ha’’ but that was all in a _joking manner,_ I did _not_ expect it to actually happen.

And now it is _actually happening,_ and I’m torn between running and screaming and launching myself at Derek.

I don’t choose either option. I just link my fingers beneath my chin and raise my eyebrows until I’m positive they’ve become one with my hair, joined forever in holy matrimony.

I laugh, loud and purposely obnoxious. Hopefully Derek will join in because ha, ha, ha, me being his muse is _hilarious,_ right?

But when his gaze turns into a glare, the laughter dies in my throat, because he’s wearing the ‘I mean business’ face that my dad wears like twenty five/eight.

‘’You weren’t kidding, were you’’ I mutter, and Derek reaches across the table as if he’s going to take my hand, but then drops it as if he changes his mind.

‘’you look upset’’ Derek notes, and flags down a waitress. ‘’One iced tea’’ Derek pauses, and chances a look at me, ‘’decaf’’ he tells her seriously, and when she disappears, I start talking.

‘’Okay, so you sort of sprung this on me really quickly. Like, I mean, your poetry does make my heart squeeze but like I don’t really know if I want to be the subject of this poetry. I mean, I barely know you dude.  Like you made me out to be a fucking God, and I’m not a God, I’m Stiles, and I sort of suck, like I’m really not that great at all, I’m just a-‘’ I stop when Derek reaches across the table and slaps a hand over my mouth.

‘’Shut up’’ he hisses, ‘’don’t talk about yourself like that’’ he keeps his hand over my mouth even when the waitress drops my drink onto the table, shooting me an odd look, and I clear my throat.

‘’You want to move your hand?’’ I ask politely, mostly muffled by his hand.

‘’Promise me you won’t say anything negative about yourself’’ Derek commands, and when I don’t, he raises his brows at me like a patronizing parent.

‘’Fine, jeez’’ I snap, and he pulls his hand away. ‘’All I’m saying is that this a little bit too much to be throwing at me all in one go. I mean, there’s only so much I can take in one day. Reading your poem ay seven in the morning pretty much fills up my quota of how much I can take. Making a decision right now might make me explode. I mean, being your muse sounds . . . nice, but I think I might need to sleep on it?’’ I sip at my drink, and Derek purses his lips.

‘’You want to sleep on being my muse’’

 _‘Actually, I want to sleep with you’_ my penis says but I ignore him because that horny little fucker does _not_ get a say right now.

‘’Well, maybe just a couple days?’’ I ask, shrugging, and Derek sighs.

‘’Alright, fine’’ he grumbles, writes something on a crumpled strip of paper, and tosses it at me.

‘’What is this?’’

‘’My address; come and find me when you’ve made your decision’’ he makes me feel like he’s offering me a job position or something, with the professional way he’s speaking.

‘’I feel like I don’t really have an option’’

‘’Take your time’’

‘’I will’’ I pause, ‘’what does being your muse entail?’’ I ask, and Derek shrugs.

‘’I don’t know. The usual’’ he says, and I snort.

‘’The usual, right, because I’ve been a muse _so often_ that I know what _the usual_ is’’ I say sarcastically, and he rolls his eyes.

‘’Okay, so basically you’re what inspires me right now. I want to spend time with you so I can continue to be inspired into writing’’ he says, and I nod slowly.

‘’Well like, what about the whole sexual aspect?’’ I ask, ‘’I mean I know that happens sometimes with artists and their muses . . .’’ I trail off and Derek purses his lips.

‘’Sexual aspect’’ he repeats, and I nod.

‘’Sex’’ I say, miming it with my hands, and he grimaces.

‘’Stiles’’ he says sharply, slapping my hands, and I snort.

‘’You didn’t seem to be catching on’’ I say, ‘’by the way, who was your last muse?’’I ask, and his face hardens.

‘’It doesn’t matter’’ he says, his voice strained, and I raise one eyebrow.

‘’Okay’’ I say, even though what I really want to say is _oh my God, tell me everything_ so I slurp up my drink to avoid blurting out something I’ll regret.

‘’My dog was my muse once’’ he says, changing the subject and I almost choke.

‘’Oh my God, _dude,_ did you-‘’

‘’ _no,_ Stiles, don’t go there’’ he warns, but I’m already there and he can probably tell from my face because he says, ‘’ _Stiles,_ stop, that’s bestiality’’

I nod, ‘’right, right’’ I say, ‘’but back to the whole sex thing. Are we gonna . . ?’’ I trail off, and Derek shrugs.

‘’I don’t know’’ he says, and I groan.

‘’Come on dude’’ I sigh, ‘’you can _obviously_ tell that I wanna hop on your dick, so just tell me, are we gonna bone?’’

 Derek sighs, ‘’you know what, Stiles? You’re not even my muse, so I don’t understand why we’re even having this conversation’’ he stands up, ‘’you have my address, come find me when you’re ready to talk’’ he flashes me a glorious smile that makes my dick twitch, and strides out of the cafe.

Oh, he is such a _bitch._ I left my house in my fucking Captain America pajamas and I still don’t know if he wants us to fuck.

Just for that, I’m going to take my sweet fucking time making a decision.

***

I don’t take my time.

By the next day, I’m banging on Derek’s door and freaking out his neighbours, with how loud I’m yelling.

What can I say man; I get surprisingly shrill when I turn in to a rage dragon.

‘’Derek Hale, you complete and utter asshole, I know you’re in there!’’ I yell, and suddenly the door opens, and Derek is catching my wrist in a death grip.

‘’Why are you disturbing my neighbours at-‘’ he looks down at his watch, ‘’seven in the morning, what the _fuck_ Stiles just because I saw you at seven thirty yesterday doesn’t mean I’m always awake at this hour’’ he gives me an incredulous look and I roar so loudly that I’m surprised I don’t breathe fire too.

‘’The fuck, bro?’’ I wave the newspaper around, and he shakes his head.

‘’I don’t get it’’

‘’YOU WROTE MORE POETRY ABOUT ME’’ I yell, and he yanks me inside his apartment, slamming the door closed and slamming me up against it.

‘’You don’t need to yell’’ he snaps, and I’m sort of at a loss for words because his body is all pressed up against mine and Little Stiles (my penis) is getting weirdly interested in this.

‘’I’m frustrated’’ I say meekly, suddenly very aware of the close proximities we’re in.

And Derek does too, because suddenly he’s leaning closer and-

‘’You know, I’d rather you not have sex up against the door’’ a familiar voice drawls, and I glance past Derek to see Danny Mahealani smirking at us.

Okay, I cannot believe Derek lives with _Danny._ He’s in my film class, and he can’t seem to stop smiling, whereas Derek can’t seem _to_ smile.

‘’We’re not having sex!’’ I splutter, trying to shove Derek off of me, but he doesn’t move, merely growls at Danny and possibly shoves me harder against the door? I don’t know. This could be Little Stiles talking.

‘’That’s not what it looks like to me’’ Danny sings, and strolls up to us, plucking the newspaper from my hand. ‘’What are you making a scandal about?’’ he asks, scanning the page.

‘’He wrote poetry about me. And I told him that I needed to think about being his muse1’’

‘’That doesn’t mean I can’t write poetry about you’’ Derek says, annoyed, and I sigh.

‘’Of course it does. If I say, ‘I need to sleep on it’, I secretly mean ‘don’t write poetry until I crawl up to your door begging to be your muse if it means you’ll write again!’’’ I say, my voice rising, and Derek gives me a warning glare.

‘’This one is really good, Derek’’ Danny says, nodding in approval, ‘’thinking of putting it in your box of-‘’

‘’No’’ Derek deadpans, and before I can say, ‘his box of what’, he’s shoving away from me, creating a large space between us.

‘’I don’t get why you’re freaking out, Stiles’’ Danny says, ‘’this guy just wrote a masterpiece about you and you’re _pissed off?’’_

I flush, ‘’it’s kind of complicated’’

‘’He won’t be my muse’’ Derek says simply, and I facepalm.

Danny gapes at me, ‘’why not? He’s awesome’’

‘’Except he doesn’t know how to use his words’’ I snap, ‘’besides, do you think Lydia Martin will have sex with me if I’m someone’s muse?’’ I demand, and Danny scoffs. Derek growls, but I ignore him (Little Stiles doesn’t).

‘’Lydia Martin won’t have sex with you anyway’’ Danny says truthfully, and I scowl.

‘’Well, we won’t get anywhere with that attitude, now will we?’’ I scold, and he rolls his eyes, pressing the newspaper back into my arms.

‘’I’ll leave you two to solve your marital problems’’ Danny mutters, patting Derek on the shoulder before disappearing down the hall.

‘’Explain to me how _you_ ended up living with _him?’’_ I ask, but Derek doesn’t answer. He just stalks up to me and presses me against the door again.

‘’You’re going to be my muse’’ he says, and I cluck my tongue.

‘’See, but you’re not giving me a good reason as to _why_ I should be your-‘’

And then he shoves his tongue in my mouth.

Oh my God, _finally._ It’s like I’m a recovering dope addict and he’s heroin (shut up, I know you’re thinking Twilight) because sweet Jesus, can this man _kiss._

I kiss him back just as passionately, my nails scraping against his scalp as I thread my fingers through his hair and press every inch of my body against his. I don’t care that I used to be sort of scared of him. I don’t care that I really only formally met him yesterday. I don’t care that this is completely against the Stiles Stilinski rule of ‘Do Not Kiss Any Boy/Girl if You Have Not Been on at Least Three Dates’, which excludes Lydia Martin and apparently Derek Hale now, too.

And you know what, now I’m like one step closer to crossing off Number 56 in my dream book. So.

_Booyah._

Derek pulls away after what feels like seconds, and presses his forehead against mine, his breath coming out laboured.

‘’Now tell me Stiles, was that a good enough reason?’’ he asks, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth.

I shrug, ‘’you know what’’ I say, ‘’I think I need a little bit more convincing’’ I’m about to say something along the lines of _convince me with your dick_ but suddenly my mouth is very, _very_ occupied.

I am so screwed. And in a totally good way this time.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you guys forgot, Number 56 in Stiles' dream book is 'Have Sexual Relations With Derek Hale While he Recites Poetry to Me'. If you guys wanna stalk me or whatever my tumblr is umsterek. Cool. Real cool.


	3. That One Time Derek Hale Deserved a Blowjob

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles goes to school then him and Derek have one aspect of the sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex is hard to write despite the fact that I've read a ton of it okay.

The first thing Derek does before I leave is give me his signature leather jacket. ‘’Put it on’’ he urges, when I start folding it away.

‘’You want me to wear this?’’ I ask incredulously, and he nods. ‘’Okay,’’ I say slowly, and I unfold it and pull it on. It’s too big, like I expected it to be, and I fold up the sleeves a couple of times so I can get to my hands. ‘’I feel ridiculous’’ I say honestly, and the corner of Derek’s mouth twitches.

He pushes the jacket open to mouth along my exposed collarbone, fingers sliding under my shirt to slide along my hip bones.

‘’Thank you’’ I say, once he’s straightened up, and I smooth down the front of my- _Derek’s_ jacket.

Derek doesn’t say anything, just catches me around the back of my neck and pulls me in for a kiss, his tongue pressing into my mouth and making my head spin.

My arms twine around his neck, and I _just_ resist the urge to wrap my arms around him and climb him like the sexy tree that he is.

‘’Seriously, I bet both of us could fit in here’’ I blurt out, and Derek laughs against my mouth. I pull the sides of the jacket out to try and pull it around Derek too. ‘’See? You almost fit!’’

Derek takes the jacket out of my hands, and smoothes it down. His mouth is curled up into a small smile that I decide I really like.

‘’Meet me here tomorrow, okay? At six’’ Derek says, pressing his forehead against mine.

‘’Six in the morning, or six o’clock in the evening, because morning is good, we can get more done in the morning, but personally I think night is sexier but-‘’

Derek kisses me long, long and hard until I sort of forget what’s going on.

‘’Do you ever stop talking?’’ Derek asks, harmlessly, and I sigh.

‘’Nope, I lost my brain to mouth filter a long time ago’’ I say.

Derek snorts, and steps away from me, fingers tracing along my collarbone. ‘’Six o’clock _at night,_ here, tomorrow’’ he says, as he closes the door behind me.

My penis cries a little.

***

‘’So I read that poem about you’’ a voice purrs in my ear, and I jump, almost falling out of my chair. ‘’It was hot’’ Lydia Martin drops into the seat in front of me and I’m pretty sure my brain short circuits when her spilling cleave practically brushes against my face.

‘’Uhh’’ I say dumbly because obviously, the part of my brain that controls my speech is chanting _Lydia Lydia Lydia Lydia_ so all I can make is sounds.

‘’I mean, I never knew you were so . . . _sexy’’_ she leans towards me, her cleavage spilling out onto my desk and I remind myself to press my face against where her boobs are touching my desk, once she’s no longer looking.

I’m sort of torn, currently. Because on one hand, it’s _Lydia Martin,_ and this is practically my (wet) dream come true, but on the other hand, my penis is sort of attached to Derek.

‘’Maybe we can get together after class?’’ she suggests, drumming her fingers on the table. ‘’You’ve proved yourself to be up to my standards, and since my last boyfriend recently broke up with me for a _boy,_ I need someone to help squash the fact that I was his ‘beard’’’ she looks up at my through her lashes, and I’m this close to saying _take me take me take me_ when a firm hand drops onto my shoulder.

‘’Back off, harlot’’ Erica Reyes snaps, her nails digging into my shoulder, and I wince.  ‘’This one is spoken for’’ she drops into the seat next to me, and Lydia leans back.

‘’Spoken for’’ she deadpans, ‘’who’s dating _him_?’’ she lifts a skeptical eyebrow and _hey_ , I’m hot stuff, guys dig me!

‘’Derek Hale’’ Erica smirks, and Lydia’s head snaps towards me and I avoid her by looking at Erica.

‘’Wait, how did you know that?’’ I demand, and she rolls his eyes.

‘’Come _on,_ Stiles. I’m his protégé’’

‘’Seriously, he’s friends with like, the weirdest people’’ I shake my head, and Erica sighs.

‘’You’re dating Derek Hale’’ Lydia says, and I sigh.

‘’Um, we’re not dating? We’re sort of, like, I don’t know, we’re kind of in a relationship but its-‘’

‘’poetic’’ Erica supplies, shooting me a playful wink, ‘’anyway, didn’t you notice the leather jacket Stiles’ is wearing?’’

Lydia glances at me, and her mouth pulls into a small smirk. ‘’Apparently, I also didn’t notice the hickey on his neck’’ and I slap my hand against my neck.

‘’Oh my God, is there really a hickey on my neck?’’ I demand, and Erica grabs my chin, yanking me violently towards her. ‘’Ouch, fuck, Erica!’’ I yelp, snapping my head away from her.

‘’There totally is a hickey!’’

‘’I told him not to mark me!’’ I whine touching the bruise on my neck. This was _so_ not in the contract.

‘’He _obviously_ didn’t listen to you, Jesus, Stiles-‘’

‘’Ms. Martin’’ Professor Anderson calls out, and Lydia’s mouth snaps shut. ‘’Do you have something to share with the class?’’ he asks, raising a brow.

Seriously, this guy is one of the best teachers I have. He’s super mega gay, and helped me a lot during my first year with you know, _accepting my sexuality_ and such. Coming from Beacon Hills, where all of three people were gay, it was kind of hard to accept that hey, guys are sexy too.

Anyway, that’s irrelevant. What’s relevant is the face that Lydia is making. She’s floundering for words, and kind of looks like a guppy. A really gorgeous, stunning guppy.

Mr. Anderson snorts, ‘’I didn’t think so’’ he says smugly, and turns away.

I snort, and Lydia glares at me, reaching out to jab at the hickey on my collarbone, smirking when I gasp out at the sharp bloom of pain.

I pull away from her, and zip the coat up all the way to the top, until the collar covers me chin. It smells nice; woodsy and earth, with a soft underlying smell of chai lattes. I pull the collar until it covers my nose, and inhale deeply.

Erica chokes out a laugh, and I glare at her. Whatever, I can be as creepy with Derek’s clothes as I want. She’s dumb.

***

‘’So . . . are you dating Derek now?’’ Scott asks, tossing me a can of beer, and I sigh.

‘’That’s almost exactly what Lydia Martin asked me. Be proud, you’re turning into Lydia Martin’’

Scott rolls her eyes, ‘’well, what did you say to her? Did you tell her you were dating him?’’

‘’I’m not-I’m not _dating_ him exactly. I’m his . . . muse?’’ I say, and Scott bursts out into hysterical laughter.

‘’You’re his muse? What the fuck is wrong with him? _And you?’’_

I whack him on the shoulder, ‘’shut up, asshole! You-you don’t even know anything! Remember all those poems you wrote about past boyfriends slash girlfriends?’’ I remind him, and Scott’s face turns hard.

‘’Hey, those are _private’’_ he says, and I roll my eyes.

‘’Well, so is my Dream Book and you read that’’ I say, and Scott makes a noise of annoyance.

‘’Fine’’ he looks uncomfortable for a second, ‘’just like, watch out dude. Derek is huge and scary. Don’t let him like, pressure you into anything like-‘’

‘’Scott, please!’’ I cover my ears, ‘’do _not_ try and have this conversation with me! Derek will never pressure me into anything because _hello,_ have you seen him? There is literally nothing I’m not willing to do with him. Like seriously, I bet he has a monster co-‘’

‘’ _Okay,_ you’re going into details that I’m pretty sure I don’t want to hear’’ Scott fires back, and I laugh.

‘’Oh, I’m pretty sure you _do_ want to know’’ I say, and Scott leaves the room.

''No I don't!'' he calls back, even though he  _so totally does._

***

When I meet Derek the next day, the first thing I do is lick him across the cheek.

‘’What the hell was that?’’, Derek demands, jerking away from me and wiping his cheek.

‘’Hey sexy,’’ I point at him, ‘’did someone slap you across the face with a banana slug or is that a big shiny trail of first time on your cheek?’’ I ask, and Derek gives me a blank, deer-in-the-headlights look.

‘’Come on dude, I just quoted Watsky’’ I say and Derek lifts a brow.

‘’Are you telling me you want to come into my apartment and get some first time on the sheets?’’  he gives me what could be correctly classified as Bedroom Eyes, and I swear that Little Stiles shrieks in content.

‘’You know, that’s exactly what I was saying. I guess we could do that right now or-‘’

Derek doesn’t give me time to finish. He yanks me into his apartment, slams the door shut, and then slams _me_ up against it.

‘’Wow, you really have a thing for slamming me against hard surfaces, don’t you?’’ I note, and Derek bites down on my collarbone possibly a little too roughly.

‘’You know you like it’’ he purrs, and I let out a small moan.

‘’Okay, so maybe I do, sue me, but you can’t-‘’

Derek surges forwards and takes advantage of my talking and licks into my open mouth. Apparently he also has a thing for not letting me finish my sentences.

I kiss him back, my fingers finding the hem of his shirt and lifting it up until he complies and lets me pull it off.

‘’Holy _crap_ ’’ I moan, because 1) he just rocked his hips into mine, and 2) no is permitted to be this perfect, like what the fuck.

‘’You are perfectly chiselled!’’ I yell, when he moves to kiss down my throat, and I let my hands span across the width of his chest.

‘’Stiles, you need to stop talking’’ he groans, unbuttoning my shirt and he pushes it off my shoulders.

‘’Derek-‘’

‘’I hunger to bare my heart, wild and free’’ he licks a wet stripe across my throat, and I lift a brow.

‘’What are you doing, is this-‘’

‘’Alpha pair of wolves, you at my side’’ he rocks his hips into mine again, and I bite down hard on my bottom lip to stifle my moan, ‘’nuzzling, sniffing the most night air, hungry and fierce in desires shared’ he unbuckles my belt, and slides his hand into my pants, thumb sliding over the head of my cock.

‘’Oh, so I’m an Alpha wolf? You know, that’s surprisingly hot’’ I say, breathless, and Derek kisses me, biting my lip hard enough that I yelp.

‘’Stop talking’’ he growls, reaching his free hand around me to squeeze my ass.

I nod a silent agreement, and kiss him again, pressing my tongue against his.

‘’Running naked, moonlit and laughing’’ he slows down, fingers slipping into my boxers and wrapping around my cock, ‘’singing songs to sweet Mother Night’’ he gives my cock a slow, dry pull and I moan, rocking my hips up into his hand. I brace my hands on his shoulders, and wrap my legs around his waist because he is a sexy tree and this is the ideal moment to climb him.

‘’F _uck’’_ Derek groans, pressing me harder against the door, and fists my cock a little harder, his hand sliding up and down in time with each jerk of my hips.

‘’Howling under the full moon as we _mate’’_ he punctuates the word with a sharp jerk to my cock and a fierce kiss.

I lock my fingers into his hair, pulling until his growls, ‘’come on Derek’’ I beg, kissing him until my brain loses any semblance of rational thought.  The fact that he’s trying to get me off with poetry makes this whole thing ten billion times hotter than it already is, and sends me barrelling towards my orgasm.

‘’We rock and growl, lost in the need, until it shakes us and we surrender’’ he pulls harder, pushing my chin back so he can suck bruises along my throat and I groan, head thumping painfully against the door.

‘’Passions unbound by mortal rules, and we forget the taint of the mundane world’’ he whispers into my ear, and licks a hot stripe across my jaw. The hand holding my ass dips between my ass cheeks and just presses against my entrance, making the heat in my stomach coil and peak. ‘’Come Stiles’’ he murmurs, ‘’come for me’’

And I do. I come so hard that stars burst behind my eyes and the corners of my vision blur slightly.

Derek kisses me through the force of my orgasm, my mouth slack against his, and he sets me down gently.

‘’Holy shit’’ I say once my body has relaxed. I tip my head forwards and press my sweaty forehead against Derek’s. ‘’That was really fucking hot’’ I say, and Derek chuckles.

‘’I try’’ he says, smiling wryly and I suddenly notice Little Derek pressing hard against my hip.

‘’Do you want me to take care of that?’’ I ask, and he shakes his head.

‘’This was about you’’ he says, but I’m already sliding out of his grip and dropping to my knees.

‘’This is about you’’ I say, unbuttoning his jeans and sliding them down to his ankles. I feel like the sizeable bulge in his underwear should freak me out a little bit, but if anything, it just makes me want to suck him off even more. I’m a little bit too sated to think about getting hard again, so right now I can put all my focus into getting Derek off.

I slide his underwear down, and I swear to God Little Derek (more like Huge Derek) almost whacks me in the face.

‘’Wow’’ I say, after a few seconds of blatant staring, and Derek makes an odd noise.

‘’What’s wrong?’’ he asks, a self-conscious edge creeping into his voice, and I pat his leg.

‘’Nothing’’ I say, wrapping a comforting hand around his cock. ‘’This just might be the biggest I’ve ever seen’’ I slide my hand up and down his cock a couple times, and Derek exhales shakily. I lick a bead of precome of the head, and he hisses.

I lick up the underside of his cock, following the vein, and slip the head between my parted lips, sucking it lightly

‘’Jesus’’ Derek whispers, fingers lacing into my hair, and I slide down further, taking more of him into my mouth.

His cock is really nice. Like, really, really nice. It sits nice and heavy in my throat, hot and thick, and Derek whimpers every time I give a particularly good twist of my hand. Luckily for both of us, I don’t have a gag reflex (lots and lots of practice) so I sink forwards until my nose is pressing against his lower belly, and his cock is pulsing in my throat.

‘ _’Stiles,_ ’’ Derek moans, as I start bobbing my head back and forth, starting on a really good rhythm. I decide that I really like it when he says my name like this. His hips jerk a bit, and I pull off with an obscene pop, giving him a patronizing look.

‘’Now Derek, don’t do that’’ I lick across his hipbone, and he moans. Seriously, I cannot wait until he pushes me down and lets me ride him. I bet he wouldn’t say no to that right now, but I’m a little too into sucking his dick right now.

I take him into my mouth again, gripping his hips and pressing them back so he doesn’t try and jerk into my mouth again. It wouldn’t be too bad if he did that, but I consider myself quite the cocktease so.

‘’Fuck, Stiles, you’re so good with your mouth’’ Derek groans, pulling at my hair, ‘’I bet you’ve wanted to do this for so long’’ he says, and I hum in agreement.  ‘’I bet the moment you realised we were going to get dirty; you knew you wanted to blow me. You probably can’t get enough of having a nice big cock in your mouth’’ Little Stiles stirs in interest, and I suck harder until Derek’s dirty talks turns into mush.

‘’Come on, Stiles’’ he begs, his hips pushing against my hands, ‘’I’m so close, I’m so close, just-just let me, let me, please’’ he chants until I drop my hands from hips and lock my hands behind my back instead, staring up at him expectantly.

Derek moans, and his fingers tighten in my hair as his hips push forwards in an erratic rhythm, Derek muttering things like, ‘’amazing mouth’’ and ‘’I’m going to write such hot poetry about this’’ all the while.

‘’Shit Stiles, I’m going to come, pull off’’ he yanks on my hair in warning, and I hum in annoyance, glaring up at him. I want him to come in my mouth. I want to taste him, remember him when I’m alone.

Derek growls, and comes, hot spurts filling my mouth and I swallow as much as I can, humming around his cock the whole time through. His moan cuts off to a whine cuts off to silence and his grip on my hair slackens.

I pull off his cock and wipe my mouth, lapping at his softening cock just in case I missed anything. I grin up at Derek, and tuck him back into his jeans, zipping his pants.

‘’Are you happy?’’ I ask, standing and stretching my knees.

Derek stares at me with a completely blissed out look, and pulls me into a languid kiss. ‘’You’re amazing’’ he says, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against his chest.

‘’Is this the standing equivalent of hugging?’’ I ask, and Derek laughs, the sound rumbling against my chest.

‘’We can go cuddle if you want’’ he shrugs a shoulder, and I pull back to look at him.

‘’You know, you look like a cuddler’’ I say, and he snorts.

He shakes his head, and stares down at me through his lashes, ‘’I am a cuddler, I won’t deny it’’ his voice drops to a gravelly octave, and I shiver. He leans forwards and presses his lips to my ear, ‘’ I just want to get you to my room so later, I can ravish you without the worry that anyone will come in and interrupt us’’

I practically drag his to his room.

I am so screwed.

And maybe later, Derek will be screwed too.

***

Okay, so no one actually got screwed. But we did cuddle. Which despite what you might think, is just as good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STILES CAN CROSS NUMBER FIFTY SIX OUT OF HIS DREAMBOOK.  
> Also, crazy Kate comes next chapter. Yay. R&R if you feel like it :) 
> 
> The poem Derek recites to Stiles is not mine because I suck at poetry. It's called Alpha Wolves and it's by W. I Boucher. Who is a grown bald man so it's kind of weird? And the Watsky quote is from Nothing Like The First Time by George Watsky who is a god.


	4. That One Time Everything Stopped Going Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything gets so shitty and it's all Kate Argents fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could apologize or I could say HEY TEEN WOLF TOMORROW FUCK YEAH OH MY GOD

When I open my eyes, I’m being spooned. It’s sort of nice, this whole, having a body pressed against mine thing. Derek is solid and warm, his hand draped over my hip, and his forehead pressed against the nape of my neck.

It’s also very odd. I don’t really . . . _cuddle._ It’s intimate and personal. I don’t do it with people I just fuck? But this feels right. Maybe. Or it could feel right, at least.

Derek is still sleeping when I slip out of his arms. It’s almost noon, I need to get on with my day. I feel bad, maybe, but I’m kind of having a feelings overdrive so I gotta get out of here. When I get to the living room, Danny is sitting on the couch with none other than Jackson Whittemore next to him, arm thrown over his shoulders.

‘’God, finally’’ Jackson says, ‘’I could hear you guys giggling for hours’’ he glares at me and I gape at Danny.

‘’Seriously’’ I say, ‘’ _seriously-_ I mean being roommates with Derek I can sort of understand, but dating _Jackson?_ I honestly cannot fathom why you would do that. His mom probably had sex with Satan to create him.’’ I tell Danny, and he smirks, leaning more into Jackson’s arms.

‘’He’s gifted in other areas that make up for his attitude’’ he says, and I roll my eyes.

‘’I highly doubt that’’ I say, and Jackson makes a face.

‘’Fuck off, Stilinski’’ Jackson snarls, and Danny shushes him, rubbing his knee.

‘’Calm down’’ Danny murmurs, and Jackson groans, hot and sensual.

‘’You’ve got all the right words’’ Jackson says, voice dripping in sappy romance feels.

And then they start making out. Like pretty intensely. On one hand, it’s hot because um _hello_ two attractive guys making out, but on the other hand, _gross,_ Jackson kissing people.

‘’Aight, I’m out!’’ I say, making a beeline for the door.

It’s damp and hot when I get outside. Kind of like being cuddled by a wet towel. I’m still jittery and feelings-y, so it’s also perfect weather to go for a run.

When I get back to my apartment, I spend about five minutes there before I leave again, changing into a t-shirt and sweatpants to go running.

Scott wins all the best friend awards when he decides to join me and stick to my pace. Every single one. He usually doesn’t like to join me because he’s a crazy muscle man and runs a lot more than I do. Sometimes when I go running with him, I end up throwing up. He’s fucking crazy, I kid you not.

I like running. It’s kind of become my thing now. Back in high school, when I wouldn’t sit still during lacrosse practices, Coach Finstock would make me run laps. I figured it was his way of getting me to keep moving without putting me on the field. Eventually, I stopped just running at lacrosse practice, and in my junior year, I dropped lax to join the track team, where I excelled a shit ton more. Beacon Hills was too small to ever take the track team out of town, so I hold the title of ‘Fastest Kid in Beacon Hills’, which is a pretty big accomplishment if I do say so myself.

Hey. That’s irrelevant. What’s relevant is that I’m with my buddy Scott and a ton of feelings to talk about. I’m about to go on a big Derek rant when suddenly something slams into my side, sending me sprawling onto the grass and knocking the wind out of me.

‘ _’Holy shit’’_ I wheeze, and Isaac Lahey grins down at me, ‘’what the _fuuuuuck_ bro?’’ I gasp, and Isaac laughs.

‘’Was that as good for you as it was for me?’’ he says teasingly, and I flail aggressively, trying to get out from under him but _seriously,_ this kid eats just as many bricks as Derek does because he is just a solid mass.

‘’Can you get off me?’’ I shriek, and Isaac hops off, grabbing my hand and pulling me up along with him.

‘’You’re sweaty. I see why Derek finds that hot on you. Anyway, he wants you to know that he has reservations for the bistro across from your apartment. He expects you to be there at six sharp’’

‘’And he couldn’t just tell me on his own?’’ I demand, and Isaac grins as I wipe dirt and grass of my ass.

‘’He totally could’ve. But I think he wants to keep you on your toes’’ he shrugs, and turns to face Scott.

‘’Consider me perpetually on my toes’’ I mutter, and Isaac chuckles.

‘’I like you’’ he says, ‘’a ton better than the last one Derek was with’’ he makes a face.

Before I can ask, ‘who is the other one?’ Isaac is turning to Scott and grabbing his hand, an extra gooey look in is his eyes.

‘’Hi’’ Isaac says, rubbing his thumb along the back of Scott’s hand, ‘’have we met?’’

‘’Um’’ Scott says, cheeks reddening, and Isaac chuckles, stepping closer into Scott’s personal space.

‘’I’m pretty sure we haven’t’’ Isaac purrs. ‘’I’d definitely remember a cute face like yours’’ he looks up at Scott through long lashes, and Scott’s face darkens more.

I _know_ that look because Isaac used it on _me_ the first time I met him. What a little charming bastard.

‘’ _Bye Isaac’’_ I say, fakely sweet, and Isaac shoots me and icy cold smile.

‘’ _Bye Stiles’’_ he mimics, grinning that wonderful grin and Scott is literally already putty in his hands. Isaac places his hand on Scott’s shoulder and smiles.

‘’See you around, Scott’’ he says, quiet and intimate, and lopes away, hair bouncing.

Scott looks at me with his constipated face and I hold a hand up, ‘’don’t you dare’’ I command, ‘’don’t you _dare_ say-‘’

‘’I think I’m having a gay crisis’’ Scott blurts out and I slap my palm over my face, dragging it downwards.

‘’Please not with _him,_ Scott. He will lick you dry and leave you cracked and broken for the rest of your life’’ I spit.

Scott’s face reddens faster than the speed of light, and I groan.

‘’ _Don’t_ tell me you’re imagining him _licking_ -Scott! Stop it!’’ I shove him, and he pouts at me.

‘’I can’t control who my brain finds attractive’’ he whines, and I narrow my eyes at him.

‘’You mean your dick’’ I say, and Scott sighs.

‘’Whatever man, you can’t even talk. Your dick wants Derek Hale’’

I nod in agreement, ‘’fine, fine, you win’’.

We run back to the apartment, stopping a couple blocks away for a pretzel and lemonade, his extra salted, mine fully _sans_ salt.

When we get back to the apartment, I force Scott to help me pick out clothes, and when I find out that he’s actually pathetic, I begrudgingly call Lydia, and she’s more helpful. A ton more helpful actually.

‘’Wear that blue Henley’’ Lydia says, ‘’the long sleeved one’’ and I open one of my drawers, shirts folded around each other.

‘’That one makes my boobs look huge’’ I say, and Lydia scoffs at the other end of the line.

‘’well you want your boobs to look huge’’ she says drily, and I shove aside another pile of shirts until I find it, royal blue and mostly clean, if it’s in this drawer.

‘’What about my dick’’ I say, ‘’do I have pants to make my dick look huge?’’

‘’try the black ones’’

‘’I only own black ones’’

‘’the black ones with the nice back pockets’’

‘’Lydia Martin, do you check out my _butt?’’_

‘’Only when you wear those jeans’’ she replies smoothly, and I curse her and her ability to be so suave its suffocating me.

‘’Okay, pants found’’ I say, pulling what I assume are the pants with nice back pockets out of my dirty clothes hamper. They don’t smell horrible. I can wear them one more time.

‘’Good’’ Lydia says, and I bite the inside of my cheek. I might as well ask her.

‘’Um, Lydia, do you know anything about who Derek Hale used to be dating?’’ I ask, and I hear a sharp intake of breath.

‘’He didn’t tell you?’’ she asks, and I shake my head, forgetting she can’t see me.

‘’Tell me what?’’ I ask, and she sighs.

‘’Sorry, Stiles, it isn’t my relationship to talk about. Maybe you’ll find out tonight’’ she says, and I groan.

‘’Lydia’’ I whine, and she shushes me.

‘’It’s taking a lot of my willpower to not tell you, so go get dressed and don’t ask me again! Goodbye!’’ I hear a click, and then the dial tone.

Mother fucker of fucking fuck!

Of course there was someone before me. Sometimes I forget that Derek could get anyone he wanted because he’s _the hottest thing on the planet._

I’m not special. Right.

Right.

My phone buzzes, loud on my dresser. I pick it up, and it’s a text from Derek.

 _Don’t be late_ it reads, and I can’t help the little smile that forms. It’s embarrassing but I totally throw myself onto my bed and kick my legs around. Whatever. Shut up, no one is here. I’m allowed to do this.

I may not be special always, but right now I am.

***

I get to the bistro half an hour early. I’m nervous and my leg is bouncing like crazy beneath the table. I’ve already peed twice and gone through a couple glasses of wine. Which maybe isn’t very good etiquette.

This is way too stressful. It’s just a sort of date thing. A possibly date thing. A probably means nothing thing.

Yes. So calm down Stiles. Stop getting a weird boner.

I’m probably not going to ask Derek about his ex muse or whatever, because I figure that’s not a good conversation to have with someone you’re having sex with? But if he wants to tell me, I won’t stop him.

‘’You’re early’’ Derek says suddenly, sliding into the seat across from me.

‘’Look who’s talking’’ I say, looking at my watch, ‘’it’s ten to six’’

‘’I like to be early’’ Derek says, smiling easily.

He looks comfortable. He’s wearing dark green, and doesn’t have on his leather jacket. His face looks smoother, corners of his mouth turning up just slightly. I like to think that I’m doing this.

‘’How was your day?’’ he asks, just as the waitress comes and hands us menus.

‘’It was great, except for the part where Isaac _tackled me in Central Park’’_ I hiss, and Derek raises an eyebrow.

‘’Attacked you?’’ he asks, looking way too innocent to be true, and I scoff.

‘’Don’t act like you don’t know’’ I say, ‘’apparently it was to _always keep me on my toes’’_ I air quote, and Derek chuckles.

‘’I _definitely_ didn’t tell him to do that. I may have told him to jump out from behind a tree to scare you but I didn’t tell him to tackle you’’ Derek says, and I roll my eyes.

‘’You’re annoying’’ I say, and Derek chuckles.

‘’You enjoy it’’ he says.

‘’I enjoy the fact that you have a great dick. And the reason I’m not angry is because I expect to have that great dick in my mouth later on tonight’’ I say, and Derek’s eyes darken, and the smile fades.

‘’You won’t just have it in your mouth’’ he says, low and hot and-

‘’oh my God’’ I choke out because _holy shit his fucking bedroom eyes._ Derek Hale is going to kill me. This I am certain of. ‘’Dude, you _can’t_ say things like that in here’’

‘’And why can’t I?’’ Derek asks, leaning forwards and his leg shoving mine apart beneath the table.

‘’Stop it, _stop it’’_ I whisper, ‘’I’ve had an awkward boner since you came in you jerk’’ I mutter, and Derek grins lewdly.

‘’Do you want to go to the bathroom and I can help you deal with it?’’ he asks, and I’m about to say _yes, yes, oh fuck yes,_ when-

‘’Derek Hale, I knew it was you!’’ a woman says from behind me, and Derek pales, his leg pulling out of from between mine so fast it shakes the table.

I turn to see a blonde woman sauntering towards us, a predatory smile on her face. ‘’It’s been _so long,_ Derek’’ she purrs, leaning on his chair and running her fingers back through his hair. ‘’You look so different’’

Derek is looking down at his plate, his body so tense he looks like he could shatter any instant.

‘’Well don’t act too pleased to see me’’ she jokes, touching his jaw, and Derek flinches away from her. ‘’How have you been, Derek?’’ she asks, and Derek’s fists clench tighter, knuckles turning white.

‘’I’m fine’’ he says, voice tight.

‘’That’s good to hear’’ she murmurs, and then turns to me.

‘’Oh’’ she says, grinning, ‘’who is this Derek?’’ her grin widens, and she laughs, ‘’oh don’t tell me, this is your new-‘’ she laughs louder, and extends a hand to me. ‘’Kate Argent’’ she says coolly, and I take it stiffly.

‘’Stiles Stilinski’’ I say quietly, and she drops my hand after a few seconds.

‘’What an odd name’’ she murmurs, and then turns back to Derek. ‘’Well, it was nice to see you Derek’’ she shoots me a look, and leans close to Derek whispering something in his ear that sounds very much like, ‘ _he’ll never replace me’._

All colour drains from Derek’s face, and when his eyes meet mine, they’re so panicked I want to push her away and make him forget her.

My blood runs cold, and my throat tightens as she walks away. It’s like someone has me in a chokehold, I can’t breathe properly. It’s her. She’s the one Isaac was talking about.

Derek looks just as uncomfortable as I feel, his hands clenching and unclenching. He looks up at me, suddenly very intense, and reaches out as if to touch me. ‘’Stiles’’ he says, ‘’Stiles, don’t listen to her. She’s noth-she’s-‘’ he stops and leans back, connecting with the booth loudly.

For once, I’m at a complete loss for words. I shake my head, ‘’maybe we should just leave’’ I say, fishing around in my pockets for money. I drop a ten dollar bill on the table for the wine I had, and I stand up, pulling on my jacket.

Derek nods, and stands with me. Without even looking at me, he leads me out of the restaurant.

This relationship, this _thing_ between us, is practically nothing. So why does this bother me so much? She’s the past, right?

But Derek looked so, so terrified. Like she brought up things he didn't want to remember. God I hate her already.

Derek doesn’t speak at all on our way to his apartment. He doesn’t touch me, doesn’t even look at me. It hurts more than it should, and I link my fingers together so I don’t grab him and shake him and beg him to tell me what she did.

When he opens the door to his apartment, he walks away from me, walks right past Danny who is sitting on the couch and down the hallway leading to his room. The door slams seconds later.

‘’What the-‘’ Danny asks, staring at me where I’m still standing in the doorway. ‘’What did you do?’’ he asks, and I lift my hands up.

‘’I didn’t do anything’’ I say, and Danny frowns.

‘’Then who was it?’’ he asks, and I rub a hand across my face.

‘’Kate Argent’’ I say, and Danny blanches just as quickly as Derek did in the restaurant.

‘’Oh shit’’ he says, ‘’oh shit, oh shit, _oh shit fucking shit’’_ Danny stands up and starts making his way towards Derek’s room.

‘’Danny, wait!’’ I call out, and Danny turns back to me. ‘’Don’t keep me in the dark’’ I say, ‘’please, please tell me who she is’’ I beg, and Danny sighs.

He crosses the room, and opens the coat closet, reaching into the back and pulling out a large box that looks like it weighs a ton. He walks over to me, and shoves it into my arms.

News flash. It’s just as heavy as it looks.

‘’This will tell you everything you need to know about Derek and Kate Argent’’ he says, pushing me backwards until I’m out the door. ‘’Please, don’t come see Derek for a few days. Don’t call, don’t message him. I’m serious’’ he says, steps back, and closes the door in my face.

I look down at the box, which is marked at the top with **BAD THOUGHTS,** bold and black and terrifying.

‘’Well I’m fucked’’ I say to the box.

I imagine it saying back  _yeah Stiles, you really are._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes okay hate me tell me if you want me to die.  
> And seriously, I am sorry that I updated so late. I am so not a good enough writer to have really long periods of time between updates.


	5. A Lot of Things Happen and Most of Them Suck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles needs answers but Derek hates giving those.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ALL ANGST BUT THEN STILES AND DEREK CORNERED ME AND WERE LIKE 'u need 2 rite porn ok' AND I WAS LIKE 'but guise-' AND THEY WERE LIKE 'no itz bin lyke 2 chapz sins we bangd' AND I WAS LIKE 'guise but angzt' AND THEN THEY THREATENED TO FORCE FEED ME A TON OF POP ROCKS SO I HAD TO WRITE REALLY SHITTY PORN CRYING THE WHOLE TIME YELLING 'GUISE I'M ONLY TEN'
> 
> so yeah porn happened  
> i don't have a beta bc idk how that happens so everything wrong is me

Several things happen in the two weeks where I stop talking to Derek forever.

1)      Scott and Allison get back together.

It sounds nice, because they always smile at each other like fifth graders and have a perpetually gooey look in their eyes and they’re basically soul mates. It would’ve been nice, I would’ve been very happy and may have baked them a cake if I hadn’t found out about their reunion through walking in on them fucking on the couch, which both of them thought was a good idea for some reason.

‘’Well, it’s nice to see you Allison!’’ I shout, slapping my hands over my eyes as Scott scrambles to find his clothes and cover Allison, ‘’you look more flexible since I last saw you!’’ I joke, and Allison laughs even though Scott throws his shoe at me.

When I open my eyes finally, Allison is fully dressed, and putting her stuff back in her bag.

‘’I can leave’’ I offer, and she shakes her head, blushing.

‘’its fine’’ she says, ‘’it was nice to see you Stiles’’ she grins, and I smile back awkwardly.

‘’It was nice to see you. Nice to _see you’’_ I emphasize, and Scott throws his other shoe at me.

Allison laughs, embarrassed, tucks a hair behind her ear, and smiles at Scott, ‘’bye Scott’’ she sighs, and he pulls her in for a very long kiss until I clear my throat.

‘’Bye Stiles’’ she giggles, and I wait until the door clicked behind her to grin wolfishly at Scott.

‘’Allison huh?’’ I drop down into the armchair, and pull a beer out of one of my grocery bags.

Scott smiles dreamily, ‘’yeah’’ he sighs and I crack open the beer, taking a long slow sip.

‘’What about your gay crisis?’’ I ask finally after a long pause, and I kid you not, Scott’s face reddens in .2 seconds.

‘’It passed’’ he mutters, ‘’besides, me and Allison are soul mates’’

‘’Whatever you say bud’’ I take another sip, and Scott’s face reddens more.

‘’She is’’ he says quietly, and I shrug.

‘’You don’t need to convince me’’

He gets his constipated look, and groans, smooshing his face into the pillow.

Because I’m a great friend, I crack open the bottle of Jack I bought, and hand it to him.

2)      Scott and Allison break up

Not even three days later, Allison is yelling ‘’fuck you Scott!’’ and stalking out of apartment, hair disheveled and cheeks red, completely ignoring my meek, ‘’hi Allison’’ from where I’m sitting on the couch.

‘’Come on, Allison!’’ Scott yells, running after her in only his underwear. ‘’You know I didn’t mean it!’’

‘’Fuck off, Scott!’’ she yells again, and apparently Scott follows her all the way outside the apartment, because five seconds later, I hear him yelling ‘’Allison!’’ from outside the window.

I run over to the window, and sure enough, Scott is standing outside on the sidewalk, yelling after Allison, who is halfway down the street.

‘’Fuck me!’’ he yells, punching the brick wall, and Allison turns back around from almost the end of the block.

‘’That’s the thing Scott’’ she yells back, ‘’ _I don’t want to’’_ she snarls, and stalks away.

‘’Dude’’ I chortle, looking down at Scott, ‘’what the fuck did you do?’’ I ask, and he roars back up at me before going back into the apartment.

So.

Even though Allison is apparently into some pretty kinky shit, one thing she is _not_ into is Scott calling her ‘’Isaac’’ while he comes and begging her to ‘’fuck him until he can’t walk for a week’’.

I laugh for a very long time. Scott does not think it’s hilarious.

3)      Scott and Isaac get together

As it turns out, _Isaac_ is into fucking Scott so hard he can’t walk for a week, because five days later, Scott is limping out of his bedroom with a grimace on his face, and Isaac comes trailing behind him, a smug look on his face.

‘’I bet if I had a great sense of smell, I’d be able to smell the gallons of come on your skin’’ I say when Isaac drops down next to me, his feet on the coffee table, and he laughs.

‘’I have a great sense of smell’’ he says, ‘’I can smell it’’.

I pucker my lips in disgust, and Scott squawks in embarrassment.

‘’First you fuck me so hard I literally cannot walk without it hurting, and then you embarrass me in front of my roommate? Not cool Isaac’’ Scott pouts, turning on the kettle, and Isaac pouts back.

‘’We can go for round two and I can be the one limping later?’’ Isaac suggests, and I cover my ears.

‘’Do you guys want me to leave?’’ I ask.

‘’Relax’’ Isaac says, ‘’you know’’ he looks at me, cocking his head to the side, ‘’Derek is moping’’.

‘’Pardon’’ I deadpan, and Isaac nods.

‘’He’s moping. Just sits in the dark and drinks chamomile tea _all the time_ ’’ he looks very distressed, and I furrow my brow.

‘’What does chamomile tea have to do with anything?’’ I ask, and Isaac scoffs like I’m the dumbest person ever.

‘’Because, Derek only drinks chamomile when he misses someone’’ he says as if it’s the most obvious thing, and my throat tightens.

‘’Maybe he doesn’t miss me’’ I suggest quietly.

‘’He wouldn’t miss anyone else’’ Isaac says, ‘’believe me, he really, _really_ wouldn’t’’.

I’m about to say, _what about Kate Argent?_ When the kettle boils and Scott pipes, ‘’how do you like your tea, Isaac?’’

‘’black’’ Isaac says, not breaking eye contact, and I gag out loud.

‘’Gross’’ I say, ‘’tea isn’t good without two sugars’’

‘’You're wrong’’ Isaac says, and we bicker until Scott comes limping over and hands me a cup of tea, and one to Isaac. We drink in comfortable silence, until Isaac puts down his mug and starts rubbing the inside of Scott’s thigh.

‘’Can we go back to the bedroom?’’ he asks, and I’m out of my chair in two seconds.

‘’All right I’m going out for a run’’ I exclaim, but they’re making out so they don’t pay attention.

4)      I run all the time

I run twice a day. And I don’t run by Derek’s apartment every time. I don’t. I swear (okay I do, _obviously,_ but I’ll keep telling Scott that I don’t). I run long, slow loops around central park, building up until I run more than I’ve ever run with Scott. It’s a good way to clear my head.

And maybe a small part of me hopes that I’ll run into Derek, all sweaty and sexy and . . . sexy and . . . . sexy.

But I also hope I don’t see Derek, because if I did I’d probably be really awkward and say something stupid like, ‘’would a blowjob ease the tension?’’, except it wouldn’t be stupid because it would be a win-win situation for both of us.

On the 14th day that I go for a run, my phone buzzes when I’m halfway out the door. I go back to check it, and it’s from Derek, it reads:

**If you’re going to run by my apartment twice a day and ‘inconspicuously’ look up at my window, just come up and knock on the door.**

Oh wow. _Awkward._

So I totally do a little dance that looks more like a fully body wiggle, but I think that I’m allowed because _sex._

I text Derek back with, **I don’t know man, I think you’re just imagining things,** and in a few moments, Derek replies with;

**As if, Stiles. Come over.**

I literally trip out the door in my haste to leave, taking the stairs two at a time, and I run the four and a half blocks to Derek’s flat, running into Danny just as I get there.

‘’So _you’re_ the reason Derek kicked me out’’ he sighs, giving me a look that’s just shy of resentful.

‘’I’m just stopping by’’ I splutter, and Danny narrows his eyes.

‘’I highly doubt that, but you’re lucky that Jackson lives in a single and is letting me go over’’ he pats my shoulder, and then gives me an odd look. ‘’Have you looked in the box?’’ he asks quietly, and a whole body shiver courses through me so hard I have to clench my jaw.

‘’No’’ I say tightly, and Danny purses his lips.

‘’Maybe-‘’ he pauses, giving me a very calculating look, and then says, very slowly, ‘’maybe look through it before making any decisions as to how deep you want to get into this’’

I nod sharply, ‘’thanks, Danny’’, I can’t say much more, because my thoughts are all messy, so I decide to stop there.

Danny sighs ‘’Anyway, Derek just bought a nice box of condoms, so you know, use protection’’ he grins, and walks away.

‘’ _You_ use protection!’’ I shout after him, earning myself a few weird looks. He winks back at me and I resist the urge to growl at him. And not in a sexy way.

I walk up the stairs very slowly, because I am kind of sweaty and I don’t want to be _too_ sweaty.

I knock on Derek’s door three times, three short raps, and he opens it in a loose red tank top and sweatpants.

‘’Hi’’ he says, leaning up against the doorframe all hot like. He’s got less of a beard, and his face is completely blank. I can’t read a single emotion and it’s a little bit scary.

‘’Hey’’ I say back, rocking back on forth on the balls of my feet. ‘’So it’s been a while, eh? Not like I’m been counting the days or-‘’

Derek cuts me off with a kiss, one hand on the back of my neck and the other on my back, pulling me close, and after a few seconds, I hum into it, wanting something more intense.

When he pulls away, I blink dazedly. ‘’Sometimes I wonder whether you actually want to kiss me, or whether it’s just a tactic to make me shut up’’ I say truthfully, and the left corner of Derek’s mouth twitches up into a half smile.

‘’Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out whether your incessant talking is unbelievably sexy, or if it’s very irritating, so I just kiss you so I don’ t have time to decide’’ he tilts his head to the side, thumb stroking along my hairline, and I nod.

‘’Makes sense. Sometimes I don’t know if I want to kiss me or hit me’’ I grin, and Derek rolls his eyes, pulling me in for another kiss.

‘’come inside with me’’ he whispers, tongue curling around the shell of my ear, and I _swear_ my eyes roll back in my head and my dick jumps against the zipper of my jeans.

‘’You gonna fuck me?’’ I ask, rather bluntly as Derek ushers me inside his apartment and closes the door behind me.

‘’Is that the plan now?’’ he asks, a mischievous glint in his eyes, and I snort.

‘’I can leave, if it’s not’’ I say, and Derek shoots me the filthiest grin ever, crowding me down onto the couch.

‘’Stop talking’’ he orders, legs pushing mine apart and mouth dropping to suck a mark onto the hinge of my jaw. The thick cut of his cock is visible through his sweats and he lowers his hips, lining his cock up with mine and rutting down slowly.

‘’That’s a tall order’’ I say, tipping my head back and rucking Derek’s shirt up around his ribs until he pulls away to let me yank it off. I let my hands map the expanse of his chest, until he bends down, tongue licking right above my beltline and pushing my shirt up with each kiss along my torso.

‘’Oh _fuck’’_ I choke out when his teeth graze over my nipple and my hips buck up into his.

Without even huskily asking ‘ _bedroom?’,_ Derek grips the back of my thighs and pulls me up, skin hot against mine as he carries me through his apartment to his bedroom.

Derek’s room is very minimalistic, all muted colours and odd lack of furniture. He drops me onto his bed rather unceremoniously, but makes up for it with how quickly he climbs over me, hips pressing down into mine.

‘’Fuck, _Stiles’’_ he groans as I shove my hand down the front of his sweats and palm over his hard cock, my skin tingling with how badly I want Derek to fuck me.

‘’Fuck me’’ I say, pushing Derek’s sweats down, and he meets my eyes, his blown with lust and he shakes them the rest of the way off. ‘’Don’t make me beg’’

‘’Well, what if I want you to?’’ Derek teases, sliding down my body to pop my jeans open, mouthing over my cock until I’m reduced to a writhing mess.

‘’Do you have some power play kink or something?’’ I ask once I’ve regained control of my mouth, lifting my hips as Derek yanks down my boxers, my cock bouncing back onto my stomach and leaving a sticky streak of precome on my lower abdomen that Derek licks away.

‘’So I like being dominant sometimes, _sue me’’_ Derek sighs, reaching past me to his drawer and pulling out a bottle of lube that’s a ton smaller than the one I have at home, and a condom.

‘’Aw peach flavoured’’ I note, as Derek squeezes some onto my hand, ‘’you remembered my favourite fruit’’.

‘’It was either this or chocolate flavoured’’ Derek says, ‘’and believe me, chocolate flavoured is not as good as it sounds’’

Just that statement makes my body tense because _right, he’s had others before me,_ but then one hand is around my cock and another is sliding between my legs to just _tease_ my hole and all my thoughts turn into a mess of moans and sloppy lines.

‘’Shit’’ I groan, fist curling into the sheets and back arching, as Derek’s finger pushes into me and without even giving me time to adjust, he’s crooking his finger and finding that little bundle of gold and the dual sensation of cock and prostate stimulation turns my poorly thought out threat into a stream of curses.

Derek kisses me, lets me curl my fingers in his hair and pull tight, biting his lower lip as one finger turns to two turns to three.

I’m a fucking _mess_ here; chest and neck splotchy red and mouth open in a silent moan, fingers curled into sheets, curled into Derek’s hair and senses being pushed into overdrive.

‘’Fucking _fuck me’’_ I beg, barely embarrassed that I’m practically humping up into Derek’s hand, ‘’I’m _stretched enough,_ you unbelievable _asshole’’_ and Derek’s fingers are gone, everywhere and the whine I let out is for sure embarrassing, but then Derek is flipping me over onto my elbows and knees and pushing his fingers back in and _fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck._

‘’God, you want this so bad don’t you?’’ Derek asks, grabbing my chin and turning my head back so I can watch him slide the condom on with one hand, ‘’practically _gagging_ to be stuffed full of my cock’’ and he’s pulling his fingers away and rubbing the head of his cock along my ass crack and he’s still in his _fucking briefs, what a prick._

‘’I said fuck me, not tease me’’ I shoot back brokenly, and Derek snorts and then he’s pushing into me and _yes, fucking God, yes._

He goes slow, at first, dickishly slow, pulling out almost all the way at a turtle slow pace, and pushing in slower and making me bite down on the skin of my forearm to muffle a frustrated scream.

‘’I’m not a fucking _girl,_ Derek’’ I snap, and his fingers tighten on my hips. Shit. I didn’t even _mean_ it like it had to do with her or- ‘’I’m not fragile, I can take it’’ and then Derek is fucking into me so hard that I’m shoved up along the bed a couple of inches, and I have to press one hand against the headboard to keep from braining myself against it.

This is _it, fuck._ This is what I wanted my toes curling with how good it feels, heat curling low in my stomach and flashing out to all my nerve endings and all of my thoughts drifting from _her_ because _she doesn’t matter she doesn’t matter who doesn’t matter who is she who is she-_

 _‘’_ Yo, Derek’’ I say calmly, and his hips still. My cock bobs against my stomach, hard and aching, and it’s hard (heheheh get it) to ignore.

‘’Yes, Stiles?’’ he asks, and I can hear how hard he’s trying not to fuck me for all he’s worth.

‘’Um . . . that night at the bistro, who was that girl?’’ I ask, resting my head against my forearms, and Derek lets out an exasperated sigh.

‘’ _Seriously,_ Stiles? You’re asking me about this _during sex?’’_ he demands, and I turn and glare at him.

‘’Well _sorry_ that I thought about it-‘’

Derek cuts me off, ‘’you’re not supposed to be thinking about some woman while I’m fucking you’’ he snaps, ‘’she doesn’t matter, Stiles, I’m over it, and you should be too’’.

‘’But Derek-‘’

‘’Just _forget_ her, Stiles’’ he snarls, and I’m about to reply with something either really clever or pathetic, but then Derek is tilting my hips down and fucking into me so roughly that my mind blurs again.

There’s something animalistic now, about the way Derek fucks into me, hitting at the perfect angle, about the way he makes a fist around my cock and pulls, like he’s trying to prove something to me, convince himself of something, and I want to say _Derek just relax_ but then he’s hitting me different, cock _demolishing_ my prostate or something equally as wonderful and I’m coming so hard I see stars and my come spurts out onto Derek’s hand and my stomach and below onto the sheets and I clench around Derek and he moans, tipping forwards and lacing his fingers through mine.

Derek fucks me through my orgasm, hips stilling and jerking erratically just as my mind clears and I _wish_ I could feel the hot flow of his come into me, but then he’s pulling out and off, leaving me feeling very empty.

I tip onto my side, facing the wall, mind still foggy, and I barely notice when he wipes me off with a warm, wet cloth.

‘’Dude, I think you fucked my brain out’’ I say, and Derek snorts, rubbing a hand along my spine and then he isn’t spooning me and it makes me very sad.

I roll over to see Derek on the other side of the bed, facing me, and his eyes are closed. I scooch towards him, and touch his elbow with my fingertips.

‘’You good’’ I ask quietly, and he nods, even though his face looks like he’s closed off, like he’s holding back from telling me the truth.

And he doesn’t _have_ to, because this isn’t a relationship and we don’t have to be honest.

I nudge at his closed arms until he parts them and lets me wiggle close until my head is pillowed on his bicep and our bodies are lined up. I kiss his neck, scratchy against my cheek, and he sighs, wrapping an arm around me.

Over the curve of his neck, tree branches bend with the wind and break up the sunlight streaming in through the window, turning patches of Derek’s skin golden. I close my eyes and pretend it doesn’t feel like something has changed.

***

In the next week, Derek shoots out three more poems. Two of them are about me, because I recognize each situation that he describes. And the third. The third feels like being kicked, maybe, because it isn’t about me. It can’t be about anyone other than her because it’s sad and filled with a longing that I can’t imagine is about me.

After a couple minutes of staring, I let the newspaper fall onto the floor. I walk numbly to where I keep the box marked **BAD THOUGHTS,** under my sink. I heft it to my room, and dump it out onto my bed.

There is literally a _mountain_ of scrap paper, folded pieces of construction paper, and differently sized notebooks. Each one is marked with a different name, a different feeling, a different moment in time. I start going through them. Some are happy, the ones marked ‘childhood’ are pure and innocent, and a sharp contrast to the ones marked ‘teen years’ because those are filled with the teen angst you’d expect but then grief and death of loved ones that dominates the majority of these notebooks.

All of the ones on construction paper are marked _Cleo_ and those too are light and feathery but the last one I find marked with her name describes deception and dishonesty and it hurts to look at.

There are more names I don’t recognize like Taryn and Andrew and Victoria and Lucas and then those are gone back into the box and all the ones that are left are marked ‘Kate’.

Kate has the most. Each piece of paper each napkin each shred of _anything_ Derek could write on is filled with lines and lines of gorgeous prose about love and completion and finding the thing that’s been missing your whole life.

Then they take a darker edge, flipping to loving people even when they hurt you even when they lie to you and what do you do when the person you love is destroying you but you can’t stop _seeing_ them can’t stop wanting to breathe them in. And the last ones in the pile are notebooks with pages and pages filled with heartbreak and loss and she-

She _ruined_ Derek. She destroyed him, curled her hand around his heart and squeezed so hard that it broke.

The last one, _the very last one,_ is marked Stiles in big bold letters. It’s about finding something easy, uncomplicated, something that can mean nothing to him.

I stare longer at this piece than I have at anything, until my eyes are so dry that tears well up and I scrub them away with a rough hand across my face.

This thing was _easy._ Right. And it was, originally. It was just us jerking each other off and not caring about how the other ones day was or why the worst day of Derek’s life is March 15th or why June 21st is the worst day of mine.

But then, _accidentally_ , along this short period of time that we spent together, I actually started to like him. Like, like-like him. And it’s _stupid_ but my stupid heart is like _fuck you Stiles, I want what I want._

I don’t want to get fucked over. Danny was right. I needed to see this before deciding how deep I wanted to get into this. And this thing can’t be easy or simple anymore. So I have to find out how invested Derek is in this before he hurts me or I hurt him.

***

I show up at Derek’s apartment at midnight and the first thing he says when he sees me with the box in my hand is-

‘’What the _fuck,_ Stiles!’’ he demands, pulling the box roughly out of my hands and spinning away from me.

‘’Before you freak out, Danny gave it to me!’’ I say hurriedly, and Danny lifts his arms in a ‘ _the fuck, bro?’_ motion, and says, ‘’wow thanks for throwing me under the bus _asshole-‘’_

‘’This is _private!’’_ Derek practically yells, slamming the box down on the table. ‘’Number one’’ he points at Danny, ‘’I showed this to you with full confidence that you wouldn’t show it to _anyone,_ and number two-‘’ he turns on me ‘’-you had _no right_ to go through this, and I can’t believe you thought-‘’

‘’Well I did’’ I shout, and Derek’s mouth snaps shut and his mouth narrows to a thin line. ‘’Because I think I deserved to know about Kate’’ I say, and Derek rolls his eyes.

‘’You should’ve _asked_ me then!’’ he barks, and I gape at him,

‘’I _did_ ask you!’’ I squawk and Derek glares at me.

‘’Oh yeah because asking me while I’m fucking you is _so effective’’_ he sneers and Danny stands up.

‘’This is my cue to leave’’ he announces, and retreats to his room quickly, Derek glaring daggers at him the whole time.

‘’Is this what you came for Stiles?’’ Derek demands, ‘’to show me that you can fuck me over too and get involved where you had no place getting involved and-‘’

‘’Dude, I like you!’’ I yell, and Derek blanches. ‘’Like, I _like-like_ you, you idiot’’ I say, ‘’and like, I get it’’ I say quietly, ‘’it was shitty of me to read them, _I know,_ but like, _dude’’_ I sigh, ‘’like we never even talked about it. You just, completely shut down after she came and it freaked me the fuck out’’ I run a hand through my hair, pulling, and Derek looks at the floor.

‘’What do you want to know’’ he whispers, and I walk over to him, pressing my forehead against his.

‘’I just want to know where this is headed’’ and Derek groans, backing away from me.

‘’Stiles, I _can’t-‘’_ and I cut him off again.

‘’Dude, I have feelings for you, okay? And I don’t want to keep doing this if I do because it’ll screw me up really badly. Like really badly’’ I point out, and Derek nods.

‘’I don’t plan my life’’ Derek says, ‘’I don’t even know what cereal I’ll eat tomorrow you can’t expect me to tell you what I want from this because _I don’t know._ I’ve never even thought about it‘’

‘’I just want to know how you feel’’ I say after a long moment of silence, and Derek looks away.

‘’Kate she-‘’ Derek falters, and sighs angrily, ‘’Kate really fucked me over Stiles. Even after she dumped me she kept fucking with my head and I just-I just don’t know how not-‘’ he makes an obscure hand motion, ‘’how to get over something like that’’

‘’So you don’t like me’’ I say bluntly, and Derek shakes his head.

‘’I just don’t know if I can’’ he says, exasperated.

‘’But do you want to?’’ I ask, ‘’do you feel like you could?’’ and Derek drops his face into his hands, shoulders drooping.

‘’I don’t _know,_ Stiles’’ he groans, ‘’this is simple’’ he motions between us, ‘’why can’t it just stay simple?’’ he asks, and I shake my head.

‘’Because I know what hurt feels like, and so do you, and I don’t want to go through that. So I’m going to get out now’’ I place a hand against the nape of my neck, ‘’I just don’t want to get involved in something where I’m not wanted back, okay?’’ I drop my hand.

Derek stares at me for a long, long time, and then looks down, face closing off and crossing his arms across his chest. He nods twice.

I turn, walking towards the door, and when my hand touches the doorknob, Derek calls out ‘’Stiles’’ and I turn back, stupidly hopeful.

‘’There’s this thing, next week’’ he says, rubbing once beneath his nose, ‘’a poetry slam. I, um, I want you to come with me. I know you probably don’t want to anymore, but I could really use your support’’

I try not to visibly slump. _Stupidly hopeful_ my brain says, and I nod. ‘’Yeah, I’ll go with you’’ I say and Derek nods, and then walks away.

I let myself out of his apartment, and walk out numbly. The sky is dark and cloudy, and the walk back to my place is shitty.

I’m fine. I’m totally fine. I’m so good, I’m great. I’m so awesome that if any manly tears escape, I convince myself it’s just because of the wind.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s. if anyone is confused about my above notes i'm not actually ten ok  
> ALSO I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SHITTY  
> CAMP STARTS ON SUNDAY AND I SWEAR TO POOP I'M GOING TO FINISH THIS THE NEXT CHAPTER IS WHERE IT ALL STARTED SO DONUT WORRY


	6. That One Time Things Get Bad Before They Get Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S LATE EVERYTHING WRONG IS ME

 I think the worst part about calling it quits with Derek when I did is that I did it right at the start of soccer season. So when I leave after my 9 am classes, I start spotting Derek, Danny, Jackson and Isaac kicking a ball around with the rest of their team, in shorts. Short shorts.

I think that Derek in short shorts and Derek in nothing are tied for Things Derek Looks Best In, because his butt looks positively eatable in those tight little blue shorts. Round and firm and squeezable and so yummy. It’s horrible.

 I swear someone up there has it out for me, because every time I see Derek he’s rolling on the ground, covered in dirt, cheeks red, with a shit eating grin on his face. He looks so hot and happy that I have to resist running over to him and begging him to piledrive me into the ground. Or I piledrive him. I don’t know, I just want us both to get dirty.

But I _don’t_ do that because I do have _some_ semblance of dignity and common sense. Also self-respect, sometimes. 

When I walk out of one of my classes on Monday, I notice the team is playing a game or something. From where I am, I can see Scott in the bleachers, so when I begrudgingly trudge over, I can convince myself I’m doing it for Scott.

The team is split into two, shirts and skins, and because someone upstairs _obviously_ has it out of for me, Derek is skins and he looks ten times hotter than he did yesterday, if that is even possible, and because it’s Derek, it probably is.

When I sit next to Scott, Danny nudges Derek, who looks over and meets my eye and doesn’t look away after the polite three seconds. I do look away, but when I look back, Derek is still staring at me as he leads the warm up, his torso glistening with sweat in a way that is very distracting.

Isaac is (much to Scott’s dismay) on the shirts side and he keeps shooting Scott these sultry little looks and Scott keeps shifting from side to side on the metal bench.

‘’Calm your boner’’ I whisper, and Scott glares at me, shifting one more time and then stopping for good. .

‘’Says the guy whose had a boner all the time since high school’’ he grumbles and I’m going to fire back except he’s right so I just shrug in agreement.

When the game starts, I understand exactly _why_ Derek is captain. All of his movements are smooth and fluid with a hidden strength behind them, muscles bunching and relaxing with every step he takes.

He scores on Danny in the first five minutes, leg muscles taut and ultra-visible as he kicks the ball hard towards Danny, who misses it by millimetres. He pumps his fist in the air and whoops so loud that it covers my shout of triumph. His teammates high five Derek, cheering and grinning, and I internally berate myself for making noises.

Derek looks over to where I’m halfway to my feet, and raises an eyebrow questioningly. I glare back, sitting on my hands so it doesn’t happen again.

‘’You are such a girlfriend’’ Scott snorts, and I Charlie Horse him in return which he apparently doesn’t find as amusing as I do.

For the rest of the game, I watch Derek, the way he moves. He’s kind of like a majestic wolf, or some equally majestic creature, strong and graceful. He’s the captain _and_ the striker because he plays this game like it’s more than just a game. He plays it like he was born to do it. Like its instinct for him to be so damn good at everything. I bet his team hates playing split up, because he’s practically an unbeatable, unstoppable force. And he’s not even a ball hog. He literally passes to every single person on his team more than twice. What a perfect bastard.

When the game ends, Scott practically hurtles off the bleachers and into Isaac’s arms, kissing him a little too intimately for what’s appropriate for a school field. I’m going to turn to Danny, say ‘ _PDA much?’_ except when I turn to look at him, he’s doing the exact same thing with Jackson. They’ve both somehow ended up shirtless even though they were _both shirts_ so I have to look away because this is turning into a weird prelude for a porno.

When I look around, basically everyone on the team is making out with their significant other, so I half expect Derek to come up to me and sweep me into a kiss and say _everyone else is doing it._

But he doesn’t. In fact, the asshole is slinging his cleats over his shoulders, and walking away, not even sparing me so much as a glance as he leaves me alone amongst a ton of couples.

The only other person not kissing anyone is this guy Greenberg, and when he makes awkward, hopeful eye contact with me, I pretend not to see and shout a goodbye at Scott (who is clearly not listening) and walk away.

***

‘’Aw, why so mopey, baby?’’ Erica asks me one day after class, and I sigh.

‘’It’s Derek’s fault’’ I say, ‘’or more like Kate Argent’s fault’’ and Erica makes a face.

‘’Kate Argent is back?’’ she asks, and I then proceed to tell her the whole story, after which she looks very angry. ‘’Kate Argent is a menace’’ she says, ‘’but don’t assume the rest of her family is like that’’ she tells me, ‘’because Allison is nice-‘’

‘’Allison is related to super bitch?’’ I ask, and oh right, their last names _are both Argent._

Erica nods, ‘’she’s Kate’s niece. But don’t ask her about Kate because she pretends she isn’t affiliated with her’’ she explains.

‘’So’’ I smile at her hopefully, ‘’can you tell me what happened with her and Derek?’’ I ask, and after a few seconds, Erica nods.

‘’I guess I can’’ she sighs, but only because I love you and Derek and think you’d be good for him’’ she grins at me and I barely just resist the urge to fist pump.

We walk to a nearby café, and sit in an outdoor booth, buying drinks before Erica gets into the story.

‘’So’’ Erica takes a slow sip of her drink, and because I’m nice I don’t rush her. Much. ‘’I’ve known Derek my whole life, but even I didn’t understand Kate Argent’s appeal. She showed up when Derek was seventeen, and she was twenty one then, so I guess that was it. She was older and more experienced and her family owned a huge electronics  
company and she was showing interest in a nerdy high school kid. Apparently she’d been around when the Hale’s died in the car crash, so they already had some weird connection’’ she flaps her hand around and rolls her eyes, taking another sip of her drink.

I remember one of the poems about Derek’s family. They’d died when he was fifteen, in a car crash on the way home from a movie. He’d been out at the time, and resented himself for it ever since. Maybe he’d been with Kate. I try not to think about that option.

‘’It was really weird when they first started seeing each other, because even though Derek kept saying it was all casual sex or whatever, she was always ultra-controlling with him. She didn’t even let him hang around me much even though we both told her we had no interest in being together. She was really overly possessive, but covered it up with sultriness so it never came off as possessive to him. Plus, he was absolutely head over heels for her, so even if she hadn’t played it like that, he wouldn’t have noticed a thing’’ she pauses, as if giving me time to let it sink in, so I ask:

‘’Did they date all this time?’’ and Erica shakes her head.

‘’They broke up once, when Derek found out that it was one of the Argent’s employees who had hit his family, but they started seeing each other again in first year’’ she sighs, and rubs her forehead. ‘’I couldn’t do much to control how often they were seeing each other, because I was still in high school, but from what he’s told me, things started getting really bad then. He was like, absolutely in love with her and she was just stringing him along. She just fucked with his head so much, and was fully aware of it, but he loved her so much that he didn’t do a thing about it’’

‘’But he dumped her right?’’ I ask, and Erica nods.

‘’He walked in on her with another guy. He was the first one Derek saw, but apparently one of many, many other ones. So he broke up with her, and it fucked him up for a long time. She stuck around for a bit, fucking up his other relationships. It seemed like she was gone for good but, apparently not. He was fucked up for a really long time’’ she purses her lips, ‘’and then he met you’’.

‘’I’m just simple, for him’’ I say quietly looking down at my half empty cup of hot chocolate. There are already chocolate rings around the inside, and I’m surprised when Erica’s hand covers mine.

‘’Maybe that’s what it feels like to you, and that’s probably what it feels like for him, but I promise you Stiles, he is going to realise that getting involved with you is anything but simple.  You guys are good together, but he just hasn’t noticed yet’’ she smiles, and I sigh.

‘’I hope you’re right’’ I say and I pull my hand out of hers,

***

Derek picks me up at 6 on the dot on Thursday. I mean, he’d sent a text at 2 that read ‘ **be ready for six’,** but I hadn’t expected him to ring the doorbell when my watch hits 6:00:00 exactly. Scott must open the door for him, because I sure don’t. I’m standing in the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror. For the first time in a while, I’m terrified to see him.  I feel like because now that I know everything, I’ll perceive him differently. But as far as I’m concerned, I want him more now that I know the whole story. Oh God, I’m like Britta from Community. I only go for the damaged guys.

‘’Stiles’’ Scott calls out, and I smack myself in the face a couple times.

‘’You’re good’’ I tell myself as I leave the washroom.

Scott is sitting on the couch, grinning like an idiot, and Derek isn’t even looking at me.

Derek finally meets my gaze, walks over to me, pressing a brief kiss against my mouth, but his hand on my arm is just a little too tense.

Scott reminds me that he’ll be out tonight, and tells me not to come home too late, his voice at that coy octave that makes my skin crawl. I want to bring Derek back here, but I don’t know if I can, with how I’m feeling right now.

I don’t speak as we leave my apartment. I don’t speak as he hails a cab, and when he holds the door open for me, I slide in as far as possible.

Derek makes a noise of annoyance, but doesn’t say anything other than telling the cab driver the address of where we’re going.

Eventually, my curiosity gets the best of me, overrides my mouth, and I turn to Derek. ‘’Where are we going, exactly,’’ I ask casually, and Derek stares at me intensely for a few moments before answering me.

‘’Just a café down in Queens’’ he says, and I nod.

After a while, the cab finally pulls to a stop in front of a relatively nondescript café, filled with people.

‘’Seems poetry slams are pretty popular’’ I say once we’ve exited the taxi, and Derek shrugs.

‘’If it’s the right kind of people’’ he wraps his fingers around my wrist, and when I don’t pull away, he tugs me into the café, weaving a path through tables of people, until we reach a cluster of empty tables by the front near an elevated stage.

The table is small and is illuminated only by candlelight. Our knees bump beneath the table when we sit, and Derek pulls one of my feet between his.

‘’There are six people before me’’ he tells me, ‘’I’ve competed with two before, Cole and Amelia’’

‘’Are they any good?’’ I ask, and Derek nods.

‘’Very good’’ he says, and leans close. ‘’Stiles, I really want you to listen to my piece’’ the candlelight flickers within his green eyes, ‘’it might not be exactly what you want to her, you might not get what you want, but maybe it will help you understand some things’’

I want to say _I understand everything_ but I don’t because the lights are flickering and a girl comes out onto the stage, making everyone burst into applause.

‘’Hi guys, I’m Cassidy Blue, but most you probably know me, because I’ve hosted these before’’ she smiles, and squints, ‘’I can even see some familiar faces! Which is really nice’’ her gaze zeroes in on me and Derek, and her eyebrows shoot up. ‘’Well that’s new’’ she says and a couple people near us laugh. ‘’Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the first round of tonight’s poetry slam, and _yes,_ there will be a ten minute intermission between the sixth and seventh pieces, so . . . enjoy!’’ the crowd bursts into another round of applause as she walks offstage.

I let Derek hold my hand from the first piece to the fourth piece, during which he points out Amelia and Cole, who are as amazing as he said. Before the fifth piece, Derek tells me he has to go backstage and leaves me alone. It’s sad because I miss his hand, but nice because now I can think straight, and I end up getting very involved in the last two acts. I maybe cry in the sixth. It’s about dead mothers, so I’m allowed.

When the lights come back on, signalling intermission, I stand up and stretch, waiting a couple minutes until I head to the bathroom. Luckily, when I get there, it’s just me, so I whistle while I whiz.

Suddenly, I head the bathroom door slam shut, and when I exit the stall, some girl is locking it.

‘’Hey, this is the guys’ bathroom, so please-‘’ the words die in my throat when she spins around.

It’s Kate Argent.

‘’Hi there’’ she says, saccharine sweet, while checking under the stalls to make sure no one is there. ‘’Your name is Stole, right?’’ she gives me a very faux innocently confused look, and I clench my firsts.

‘’Stiles’’ I correct through gritted teeth, and when she smirks I can _tell_ that she played dumb on purpose to piss me off. Besides, what kind of name is Stole?

‘’I figure this little chat is long overdue’’ she says, hopping up and sitting on the counter, next to the sink.

‘’Oh yeah, about what?’’ I ask, leaning back on the wall and crossing my arms over my chest

Something dark glimmers in her eyes, ‘’Derek is mine’’ she says, smile disappearing to something menacing.

‘’I don’t see your mark on him’’ I counter and she laughs, loud and boisterous.

‘’Oh honey’’ she coos, ‘’mine’s not one you can see. But it will always be on him’’

‘’You fucked him over’’ I snap, and she rolls her eyes.

‘’I made him who he is today’’ she replies, and I scoff.

‘’Right, unable to reciprocate feelings for anyone’’ I lift a brow, and she clucks her tongue.

‘’He can reciprocate feelings, just not for _you_ ’’

My blood runs cold, and she grins at my obvious change in expression.

‘’See, Derek tried to meet more people before you, you know’’ she says, checking her nails, ‘’but every time he would meet someone, I would come back into the picture, and he’d stop seeing them’’ she shrugs, ‘’you see, Stiles, Derek is mine. He always has been, and he always will be. You may think that’s he’s all yours, but you’re just a placeholder for me. No matter how much you think you love him, he’ll always come back to me’’ she grins, ‘’so I suggest you break it off now. You don’t have a chance with him so . . .’’ she trails off.

‘’You’re a crazy bitch, you know that?’’ I snap, and she giggles in agreement. ‘’You think you can just screw people over and expect them to come crawling back to you’’ I shake my head, ‘’Derek is smart; he knows that being with you isn’t healthy. He knows you’re wrong for him and if he doesn’t-‘’ I falter, and take a deep breath. I resume, ‘’if he doesn’t realise it, I’ll be by his side-if he lets me- making damn sure he knows you are’’

‘’And if he decides he wants me?’’ Kate lifts a brow, and I snort.

‘’He won’t. Even if he decides he doesn’t want to be with me, he won’t go back to you. You lost him already’’

Kate looks like she’s going to hit me, and I hope she does because I _would_ hit her back.

‘’You’re wrong’’ she says, voice tight, and she hops off the counter.

The lights flicker, and she looks up, ‘’listen to his poem’’ she tells me, ‘’this is where _you_ lose him’’ she unlocks the door, and struts out.

I slump against the wall, pushing the heels of my hands into my eyes, and I groan.

A stall slams open, and I straighten up, suddenly uncomfortable at the fact that someone just heard all that except oh wait its DEREK.

‘’Oh hey Derek’’ I say in what I hope is a nonchalant tone of voice, ‘’did you hear all of that? Because-‘’

Derek catches my face in his hands, and kisses me, rough and desperate. He pulls back before I can even begin to reciprocate. ‘’I have to be on stage’’ he says, kisses me one more time, and figuratively flies away.

I stand there, baffled for a couple of seconds, and then I leave the bathroom.

Derek is already onstage when I get out so I just decide to stay at the back.

‘’Hi I’m Derek’’ Derek says, and a couple people respond with ‘hi Derek’ and he laughs. ‘’I, um, had something prepared, but it seems irrelevant now, so I’m just going to freestyle it?’’ he grins sheepishly and I swear everyone in the whole room gasps. I even hear a couple people going, ‘’well I _never’’_.

‘’So I met this girl at seventeen’’ he begins, ‘’she was older and beautiful and knew what she was doing, in all the senses, and at eighteen, I swear I loved her more than anyone I’d ever met before’’ he laughs, ‘’at nineteen, I wanted to marry her, but at nineteen, me at nineteen, she started getting possessive and secretive and I didn’t want to do anything because I loved her so much. At nineteen, I saw her with other guys and she kept making excuses until I walked in on her and that other guy. And when I told her I loved her, like I had so many times before, she laughed and said, ‘you really thought this was serious, didn’t you?’’’ Derek shakes his head. ‘’So I broke up with her and broke up with a big part of myself that still loved her, and then, at twenty, this loud mouthed little snot comes up to me and breaks me, makes me feel like I should feel things and does things for me and kisses me in the street even though he _knows_ that we’re not serious. And we’re simple. We were simple. He falls first, and it terrified me how he just jumped headfirst and I can’t remember how to get down there the right way, the ‘don’t get hurt’ way, and then,’’ he laughs and points in the direction of the bathroom, ‘’and then just five minutes ago, when being threatened by the girl who broke my heart, he tell her he’d be with me until I didn’t want him, if I let him. And I’m realising just now that I don’t know what I’m doing but I know him and I want him, so at twenty, at now, I don’t know how to be with him, but you can be damn sure that I’m willing to try’’ he ends.

Everyone is silent, including me. I’m half stunned and half part elated that he _wants_ me, is willing to _try_ with me.

Someone shoves me forward, I turn, and it’s Erica, grinning madly.

‘’He’s there’’ she says, and pushes me again, and that breaks me out of my stupor because I’m pushing through people, saying, ‘’Derek, Derek’’ and flipping a shocked Kate off because fuck her.

Derek only stays on stage long enough to shout ‘’I quit’’ into the microphone, and then he’s jumping off stage and meets me halfway and presses his mouth against mine.

I fist my hands in his hair, and people around us are clapping but all I’m focused on is Derek.

After what seems like forever, I pull back.

‘’Let’s go’’ I say, and Derek nods.

‘’Let’s go’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM GONNA TRY SO HARD TO POST THE LAST CHAPTER TOMORROW GUYS I S2G


	7. That One Time Everything Finally Went Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EVERYTHING GOES RIGHT AND I`M STILL BAD AT WRITING SEX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY so.  
> I want to apologize for a few things, and then just explain a few others.  
> So, I`ve been at camp for six weeks, and I was desperately trying to get this last chapter out before I left, but I just could not. I was halfway finished when my parents and I arrived at the only place with wifi that we were stopping at. So. That happened and I`m seriously sorry. I did not want to leave you guys hanging for so long. I`m a dick. I accept it.  
> The one thing I want to explain-not apologize for-is that the day after I came back from camp, my cat got really sick, and we had to put her down. And I know maybe that doesn`t sound like something I should postpone writing for, but I`ve had her my whole life, and I think putting her down was the hardest thing I`ve ever had to do in my whole life. I cried for three days straight, and I really needed a few days to just gather myself. And if you are someone who thinks they deserve an apology for that, well I`m sorry for mourning my best friend. You suck.  
> SERIOUSLY THOUGH THIS CHAPTER WAS ALSO A BITCH TO WRITE BECAUSE I`M REALLY BAD AT WRITING FOREPLAY AND LIKE INTRODUCTORY BUTT STUFF SO YOU GUYS WILL PROBABLY NOTICED HOW I SKIRTED AROUND IT AND GOT RIGHT INTO THE SEX. FOR SOME REASON THAT IS LESS EMBARRASSING.  
> I wanna thank you guys for being awesome and sticking with me even though I`m a tool with shitty writing and shittier updating skills. I worship every single one of you and if I could kiss you all on the mouth I would.  
> So here we go. The final chapter. I hope you guys don`t hate it.  
> I don`t own Teen Wolf and all grammar and spelling mistakes are mine and I love you guys to the moon and back.

Derek holds my hand all the way back to my apartment. Scott’s not home, he messaged me an hour back saying he’d be out with Isaac for the night, so it’s just us alone tonight. Finally, it feels like. Derek rubs his thumb across my knuckles, pulls my hand up to his mouth and presses his lips against my fingertips, meeting my eyes and looking at me like I’m everything.

We’re quiet. The taxi thrums and the traffic is loud, but we’re silent. I’m leaning into his side, my face tucked into the crook of his neck. My free hand is sliding up and down Derek’s thigh in what I hope is a comforting-slash- arousing manner.

Derek tilts my chin up with his hand and kisses me slow and deep, his mouth calm and easy. 

When we get to my apartment, Derek pays and holds the door open for me. He loops an arm over my shoulders and guides me inside.

He keeps the lights off and then I’m the one crowding Derek into the wall and licking into his mouth like I belong there, pushing his jacket off and letting my hands span the expanse of his chest.

I lead him to my room, fingers linked and it’s like we’re different people here, different stories, like maybe somewhere else this is happening, us except more frantic, hushed, but just like this.

I pull the hem of his shirt up, off and lay him out on my bed, unravelling him until he’s open and bare before me, shirt off and eyes glittering and expectant.

I slip a hand behind his neck and kiss him, moving forwards until I’m straddling his hips. I straighten, and look at Derek, his lips red and wet, and he’s staring at me like I can give him anything he needs.

‘’You have to talk to me if you want this to work’’ I tell him, pulling my own shirt off. There’s still a hickey on his throat, right in the juncture where neck meets shoulder, and I press my fingers against it, not rough, just . . . resting.

Derek just smiles back, running his hands up my abdomen and keeping them still over my ribs. ‘’What do you want me to say?’’ he asks quietly.

‘’You’re beautiful’’ I say, after a few moments of silence, and Derek chuffs a laugh, one that melts into a moan when I roll my hips down into his.

‘’ _you’re_ beautiful’’ he counters and pulls me down for another kiss, his mouth insistent against mine. ‘’Will you fuck me?’’ he asks, quiet against my mouth, and when I pull back, there’s a little smile on his face, his eyes wide and hopeful.

I lean very close, until we’re nose to nose, and cup Derek’s face in my hands. ‘’Can I keep you?’’ I ask, and Derek surges up to kiss me, his mouth a slick confirmation.

The lube Derek gives me once I’ve gotten his jeans off is unflavoured this time, and I’m awkward when I try to pull Derek’s underwear off. I try and take it off with my teeth, and it just ends in hysterical laughter from the both of us.

I take my jeans off slow, standing, and Derek watches me like I’m doing some sexy striptease for him even though I’m just tripping over my pants with how eager I am to get back to him.

There’s a funny look in Derek’s eyes now, the look he gets before he writes something magical. It scares me but also makes me giddy and breathless.

Derek takes my hands and pulls me back into him, spreading his legs so I can rest between them and lay my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, smooth and even.

‘’You make me feel whole’’ he whispers, his voice vibrating into my cheek, and I snort.

‘’Getting all poetic on me now are you?’’ I ask, looking up at him, and he rolls his eyes.

‘’I’m not joking’’ he says, ‘’right now, you’re what makes me feel right’’

‘’I think this is the most emotional you’ve ever been’’ I say earnestly and Derek laughs, flipping me over and pinning my arms above my head.

‘’Stiles’’ he says, and kisses me until my mind is messy. ‘’What you said in the bathroom, to Kate, was maybe the most wonderful thing anyone has ever said to me’’ he tells me, ‘’you make me want to trust you with everything’’ he presses his forehead against mine, and sighs, ‘’which is scary’’ he’s quiet for a few moments, and then whispers so quietly, I almost don’t hear him, ‘’can I keep _you?’’._

I stare at him like I’m seeing him for the first time, and it feels like I _am_ seeing him for the first time. I haven’t seen this vulnerable side of him and it’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever experienced in my whole life.

‘’You can keep me’’ I say, ‘’as long as you want me’’.

Something in Derek’s eyes changes, and he kisses me again, a new urgency in the way he licks into my mouth, claiming and mapping the inside of my mouth.

We roll again, and I hover above Derek, staring down at his dick, stretching a hard line towards his stomach. I drag my tongue along the length of it, and Derek moans, curling his fingers into my hair.

When I finally get my first finger into Derek it’s pretty much like heaven, he’s so tight.

‘’Fuck’’ Derek says, his eyebrows scrunching together, and when I curl my finger just right, his forehead smoothes out and his lips part in a silent moan.

‘’When was the last time you got fucked?’’ I ask, working another finger into him, and Derek exhales sharply.

‘’Not in a long time’’ he says, rolling his hips jerkily down into my hand, ‘’I never-there hasn’t been anyone who I wanted to-who I could trust to-‘’ he trails off and swears sharply, tipping his head back.

My heart swells and blocks off my throat. He trusts me. There. He’s said it out loud and maybe he can’t tell but that`s the greatest thing he could ever say to me.

 ‘’Can I try something?’’ I ask, once I’ve worked three fingers into him, and Derek nods, fingers curled into the sheets tight enough that his knuckles are white.

‘’Anything’’ he breathes, and I pull my fingers out, standing up and walking away from him.

‘’ _What’’_ Derek demands, and I shush him, searching in my desk for what I’m looking for. When I find it, I turn and brandish it at Derek, who raises one eyebrow.

‘’Um’’ he says, ‘’I don’t really know why you’re holding a black sharpie. But I don’t really want that in me?’’ he tells me, and I roll my eyes.

‘’It’s not going in you, you big fart, I’m going to write on you’’ I explain, walking back towards him and sitting on his hips.

‘’You’re going to write on me with your dick right there and expect me to just be relaxed about it’’ he deadpans, and I nod, rubbing my fingers over his nipple.

‘’I found this thing online’’ I tell him, ‘’and it just seemed really fitting to this, and I happened to memorise it so . . .’’ I trail off and Derek laughs.

‘’Oh my _God,_ Stiles, did you plan for this?’’ he asks, and I feel my face heating up.

‘’ _What,_ no, yes, _maybe-_ it doesn’t matter’’ I shake my head, hiding an embarrassed grin, ‘’this is _happening’’_ I say, leaning forwards.

I start at his left clavicle, and press the thick black point against his skin. ‘’It was a moment in space’’ I say out loud, ‘’a second in time, a look in the face, a giggle, the thought of letting our hands get caught’’, I pause and press my mouth against his nipple briefly as I prepare to start writing over it.

‘’Oh what a beautiful person, we lie so close together, oh it’s been so long, feels like forever, since we’ve truly held each other’’

‘’You’re a sap’’ Derek says, staring at me tenderly, and I wrap my free hand around his dick. I want him to stay _interested,_ Jesus.

‘’I mustn’t get too caught, after all the past tears I’ve fought, but it’s so easy to forgive our past crimes, maybe it’s just those hazel eyes’’ I kiss him then, pausing in my writing, and Derek kisses back, holding onto my biceps when I give a sharp twist of my hand on his dick.

‘’and I can’t resist, his sweet kiss’’ I murmur against his mouth, ‘’those lovely lips of his, up and down my tummy, oh his love is so yummy’’ I finish, and Derek snorts.

‘’Yummy love’’ he echoes, and I kiss his cheek.

‘’Very yummy’’ I say, before continuing, ‘’nights spent being held, his warmness makes me melt, so sweet, so sincerely, now I remember why I loved him so clearly’’.

Derek meets my eye, and there’s something we’re both not saying, but we won’t, and I’m okay with that.

‘’Because way back when he was mine, way back when we were intertwined, but we had forgotten all that, it’s just so far past, it was a first love thing we made, that turned into so much more. I never thought it would be regained after he closed the door’’ I move the pen over his hipbone, staining his skin black, ‘’but here we are, all cozy and sweet, here we are, once again, our hearts meet’’ I finish on his right hip, and Derek just stares at me.

‘’Fuck me’’ he begs, ‘’or I’ll start getting embarrassingly goopy, and it will be horrible for everyone’’

‘’Horrible for only you’’ I say, recapping  the sharpie and discarding it to the side (okay so maybe I throw it so hard that it knocks over a cup but we both pretend to ignore it).

Derek cups my face in his hands and just stares, rubbing his thumb across my cheekbone. ‘’I want you’’ he tells me, ‘’as long as you’ll let me have you’’ he says, and I roll my eyes, pushing my slick fingers back into him.

‘’But that defeats the purpose of what I said earlier’’ I tell him, ‘’now we’ll just be staying with each other because we think the other wants us’’

‘’I’ll always want you’’ he says, tipping his head back and closing his eyes.

There’s an odd certainty in the way he says that, and it spreads warmth through me, from the tips of my fingers to the center of my chest.

I can feel it now. Three little words bubbling up in my throat and they’re so strong that I can see it happening. I can see myself saying _I love you,_ so easily, because this moment calls for it, but I can’t say it, not to him, not unless I’m sure.

I reach to the drawer, and pull out a condom, ‘’will you do the honours?’’ I ask, crooking my fingers and Derek’s hands tighten around the sheets.

In a swift movement, Derek’s sitting up, hands on my shoulder blades, and rolling us ‘til I’m beneath him.

The light hits Derek from above and creates a halo of yellow, the black along his chest shining and moving as he slides the condom onto my dick. He rises to his knees, slowly, positions me, and sinks down, even slower.

My eyes roll back into my head a bit. This is tighter than it was with my fingers, and when he’s fully seated in my lap, I have to grip his hips hard and ask him to not move.

‘’I’m gonna come if you move’’ I tell him, and Derek’s head falls forward as he breathes slowly along with me.

‘’Say when’’ he begs, hands splayed across my ribs, a red mark starting to appear at his clavicle.

‘’When’’ I say finally, and Derek exhales sharply and covers my hands with his, rising up then dropping back down so hard it knocks the breath out of me, not because of the force, but because of the sensation.

It’s better than that first slide down, and every time he comes back down is better than the one before, and after a few moments I’m meeting each roll of Derek’s hips with a shallow thrust of my own.

The worst part, the worst part is the apex of each time he rises up, because for a moment, I’m terrified that I’m about to lose him, that he’s about to change his mind, and even though he still sinks down each time, it doesn’t stop my throat from seizing up every time it happens.

He rises and crests, like a wave, before crashing down and when he tilts his head back, eyes shut in bliss, he really does look like some ancient angel, skin marked with everything I have to give him.

It happens again, the bubbling of words in my throat, but I once again choke it down. This thing we have is delicate, and I refuse to scare him-or myself for that matter-with my confession.

‘’You really are like, really beautiful’’ I say, sweat running down my temple, and Derek laughs, lacing his fingers through mine.

‘’You need to work on your bedroom talk’’ he laughs, breathless, and I rise up to kiss him, hand splayed on the small of his back to pull him close.

‘’You know you love it’’ I murmur, and Derek smiles into the kiss, gripping my shoulders and rocking harder into.

‘’Fuck’’ he whispers, dropping his head onto my shoulder when my thrusts get harder, and I wrap a hand around his dick, a slow heat curling in my stomach, tendrils of it zinging out to my fingertips.

I thumb over the head of his dick, precome making the movement of my hand slicker, hotter, and I exhale heavily when Derek moans unabashedly.

I kiss him again until my mouth is numb and my hips are jerking into him at an erratic rhythm, my breath coming out shaky.

‘’I’m gonna come,’’ Derek says against my mouth, nails digging into the skin of my shoulders and he arches back, riding me for all he’s worth, the golden expanse of his neck shining with sweat.

My hands have smudged the words on Derek’s hips and left black marks on my palms, but I just grip tighter and fuck harder, shuddering with how close my orgasm is.

Derek rises and drops twice more, and stills, suddenly, mouth dropping open as an utterly blissed out sigh slips from his lips.

He comes all over my hand and I keep fucking him through it, once, twice, three times more until I’m coming hard into the condom and sinking my teeth into Derek’s shoulder to stifle and animalistic moan.

I fall back, arms flying out and I stare up at the ceiling, trying to relax my breathing. Derek just sits there, on my lap, smiling like a total dork.

He leans down and kisses me on the forehead, ‘’that was nice’’ he says, and I scoff.

‘’it better have been more than nice, because I put a lot of effort into that’’ I tell him, and he snorts, pressing his forehead against mine.

‘’It was great’’ he clarifies, and when I raise one eyebrow, he kisses me, ‘’I’m serious’’ he says between kisses, ‘’that was really great. You’re really great’’

‘’And I’m the one with bad bedroom talk?’’ I slide my hands up behind his shoulder blades and roll him until he’s lying next to me on his side. ‘’I should probably pull out’’ I say, wrinkling my nose, and Derek chuckles.

‘’You get to do the cleanup this time’’ he tells me and I roll my eyes. I pull out slowly, hissing at the sudden rush of cold air, and Derek’s eyes flutter closed. I pull the condom off, tie a knot in it, and chuck it at the garbage basket. I grab some tissues from my bedside table, and wipe my dick off, and wipe Derek off.

‘’Can we snuggle now?’’ I ask, and Derek nods, kicking up the covers and pulling them up around us until we’re completely covered.

Derek inches close to me until we’re nose to nose, the blanket over our heads colouring everything slightly red.

‘’I used to be scared of having this’’ he tells me, ‘’of trusting someone so much that you can just say anything to them’’ he traces a loopy pattern on my arm, ‘’and trusting people meant they had things to hurt you with. Trusting people just makes them easier to lose’’

‘’Are we going to be okay?’’ I ask, seriously, and Derek shrugs.

‘’We might argue all the time’’ he says, ‘’I might get scared a lot, of us’’

‘’arguing means we care right? Or something’’ I frown, ‘’I read that on tumblr I think’’ I say truthfully, and Derek rolls his eyes.

‘’But we’re gonna just try, right?’’ he looks up at me with those big green eyes and he looks like a goddamn puppy, not a freaking sex God.

‘’Don’t make me start singing pink at you’’ I tell him, and he growls, but there’s something playful and endearing behind it.

He kisses me, and I can feel how scared he is, but it’s okay. It’s okay because he trusts me and I trust him and maybe we will fight and scream and be terrified, but as long as we’re willing to try and work things out, we’ll be okay, right?

This was not the plan. Falling in love with Derek was not the plan. But I guess sometimes, not sticking to the plan is totally worth it.

 

 

 

 

FIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem in this chapter is called Reuniting Our Love by Nicole Normile. Do not laugh. I found a better one and then lost it forever and this one was a close second.  
> As always, constructive criticism is lovely, and once again I`d like to thank you guys for being with me throughout the journey of actually completing something I write. You are all exceptional, beautiful people and I wanna marry all of you.


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